GIFT  OF 

The  Argronaut 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

ITS    PRACTICAL 

RELIGIOUS    AND    ETHICAL 

FOUNDATIONS 


BY 
ROBERT  O.  LAWTON 

Chair  of  English  in  Lander  College 
Author  of  ''The  Greatest  of  These,"  etc. 


BOSTON 

SHERMAN,   FRENCH   £   COMPANY 
1914 


COPYRIGHT,  1914 
,  FRENCH  &>  COMPANY 


TO 
MY  DAUGHTER 

MARY  BUCK  LAWTON 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  PAGE 

I     HOME,  THE  CORNER  STONE     ...  1 

II     WHY  PEOPLE  MARRY 5 

III  WHOM  TO  MARRY 13 

IV  THE  WEDDING  DAY  —  AND  AFTER  .      .  20 

V     A    HAPPY    MARRIAGE:     SOME    ESSEN- 
TIALS            28 

VI     A   HAPPY    MARRIAGE:     MORE    ESSEN- 
TIALS      35 

VII     A    HAPPY    MARRIAGE:     STILL    MORE 

ESSENTIALS 42 

VIII     FATHERHOOD 52 

IX     MOTHERHOOD 60 

X  --"  AND   A  LITTLE   CHILD  SHALL  LEAD 

THEM" 71 


HOME,  THE  CORNER  STONE 

The  home  is  the  center  around  which  cluster 
the  holiest  and  highest  associations.  The  idea 
of  home  is  invested  with  rare  beauty  and  the 
thought  of  home  is  charged  with  tenderest  emo- 
tions. Mother,  home,  and  heaven  are  the  most 
beautiful  words  in  our  wide  reaching  language, 
and  the  three  are  segments  of  a  sacred  circle. 
The  home  instinct  has  planted  itself  deep  into 
the  universal  heart  and  the  home  idea  has 
wrought  itself  permanently  into  the  fibers  of 
society.  Every  worthy  young  man  dreams  a 
few  dreams  and  sees  the  outlines  of  a  few  splen- 
did visions,  and  one  of  these  is  a  dream  and  a 
vision  of  a  home  built  upon  the  foundations  of 
a  noble  love.  The  dream  stirs  his  heart  to  finer 
issues  and  fires  his  soul  with  loftier  ambitions, 
and  life  is  enriched  by  the  sheer  force  of  the 
home  idea  and  the  dream  of  home.  The  char- 
acter of  the  homes  of  a  nation  shapes  the  char- 
acter and  the  destiny  of  that  nation,  for  no 
nation  can  rise  higher  than  its  individual  homes. 
Verily,  the  home  is  the  fountain  of  a  nation's 
life,  even  as  Niagara  Falls  finds  its  source  in 


F  A  HOME 

the  Great  Lakes.  If  we  would  build  a  great 
nation  we  must  first  build  great  homes ;  if  we 
would  reform  the  politics  of  a  country,  we  must 
first  reform  the  character  of  the  homes  that 
produce  the  politicians  and  the  voters ;  if  we 
would  realize  the  sociological  dream  of  the  Ser- 
mon on  the  Mount,  we  must  proceed  by  the 
way  of  the  home;  if  we  would  reconstruct  the 
great  business  world  and  inject  into  it  more  un- 
selfish methods  and  humanitarian  ideals,  we  must 
go  back  to  the  home.  The  political,  the  socio- 
logical, the  business  world,  all  departments  of 
human  activity,  are  merely  projections  and 
logical  expressions  of  the  one  fundamental  and 
abiding  source,  and  this  source  shapes  the  form 
and  paints  the  color  of  the  various  ramifica- 
tions of  human  thought  and  human  conduct. 

Occupying  as  it  does  the  pivotal  point  in  so- 
ciety and  creating  as  it  does  the  modes  of  con- 
duct and  forms  of  thought  of  the  body  politic, 
the  home  becomes  a  subject  of  transcendent  im- 
portance and  engrossing  interest  alike  to  the 
pulpit  and  the  press,  the  school  and  the  moral 
reformer  —  and  even  the  lawmaker  may  enter 
in  with  sane  and  wholesome  laws,  protecting  the 
right  and  emphasizing  the  sanctity  of  the  home. 
The  pulpit,  in  the  very  nature  of  the  case,  can 
exert  the  greatest  influence  of  all  the  agencies 
from  without,  and  after  the  pulpit  the  press. 
But  the  pulpit  will  never  accomplish  its  ap- 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME  3 

pointed  task  nor  fulfill  its  divine  mission  in  this 
vital  need  by  investing  itself  with  a  conven- 
tional, prudish  and  prim  squeamishness,  and 
wrapping  about  itself  the  swaddling  clothes  of 
mock  modesty.  It  must  speak  out  bold  and 
clear.  It  must  rise  above  the  evil-begotten 
whisperings  and  criticisms  of  a  few  prissy, 
squeamish,  meddlesome  members  of  every  con- 
gregation from  Dan^Jbo  Beersheba.  It  must 
probe  into  the  inner  life  of  home  and  heart,  and 
finding  the  fault  and  the  failure,  fearlessly 
administer  the  remedy  and  lay  down  gospel 
standards  of  home  purity,  home  duties,  home 
sacrifices,  and  home  activities.  This  does  not 
mean  that  the  pulpit  must  degenerate  into  a 
busy  body  and  play  the  role  of  an  indelicate 
meddler  in  the  private  affairs  of  men  and 
women,  but  it  does  mean  that  the  mission  of  the 
pulpit  extends  to  the  utmost  bounds  of  human 
thought  and  human  life,  and  especially  to  the 
very  source  of  life.  This  being  true,  it  is  not 
only  a  God  given  right,  but  a  divinely  com- 
manded duty  to  regulate  the  conduct  and  shape 
the  thought  and  mold  the  character  of  indi- 
vidual homes  in  love,  in  firmness,  in  judgment, 
and  in  statesmanship. 

In  our  modern  age,  when  ideals  are  changing, 
new  thought  is  the  order  of  the  day,  and  a  cer- 
tain laxness  and  looseness  characterize  much  of 
present  day  home  ethics  and  conduct,  it  is  well 


4  THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

for  us  to  take  stock,  to  see  to  it  that  the  sacred- 
ness  of  our  homes  is  kept  inviolate,  and  to  hold 
fast  to  at  least  a  few  lofty  ideals  and  tall  dreams 
of  what  constitutes  a  home.  This  is  an  old  sub- 
ject, but  like  sunrise  and  sunset  and  starshine 
and  a  great  mother's  love,  it  is  ever  new. 


II 

WHY  PEOPLE  MARRY 

We  are  born,  marry,  and  die  —  these  are  the 
three  supreme  events  in  life.  We  have  no  choice 
in  the  first  and  last;  we  have  in  the  second.  It 
is  ours  to  choose  a  life-mate,  a  help-mate. 
True,  many  fail  to  win  their  choice,  but  it  is  still 
theirs  to  choose,  and  after  all,  it  is  better  to 
fasten  our  eyes  .on  an  unattainable  white  ideal 
and  go  through  life  with  a  hungry  heart  than 
to  make  an  ignoble  choice  founded  upon  lower 
motives.  It  is  better  to  strive  for  a  rare  prize 
and  fail  than  to  contend  for  a  second  rate  prize 
and  win.  The  zest  of  life  is  in  the  race  as 
well  as  in  the  goal. 

What  shall  we  choose?  Many,  far  too  many^ 
choose  money.  Let  us  see  for  a  moment  what 
is  involved  in  the  choice  of  money.  Love  is  in- 
sulted and  dethroned.  The  coterie  of  tender  as- 
sociations that  cluster  about  the  rare  form  of 
love  is  outraged.  The  idyllic  and  poetic  are 
swept  out  of  life.  Materialism,  selfish-souled, 
ruthless-hearted  materialism,  enters  in  as  king 
and  queen  of  the  home.  Self  respect  is  lost. 
The  finer  senses  are  blunted.  The  beautiful 
5 


6  THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

dreams  once  entertained  as  royal  guests  come 
back,  flotsam  and  jetsam.  The  soul  shrinks  and 
shrivels.  The  heart  loses  its  early  lilt  and 
bound  and  grows  sick  and  faint.  Home  life  re- 
solves itself  into  a  miserable  series  of  hollow 
mockeries  and  barren  forms  masquerading  in  the 
guise  of  eternal  verities.  Money  is  a  splendid 
thing,  an  absolutely  necessary  medium  of  ex- 
change for  the  perfection  and  perpetuation  of 
all  phases  and  spheres  of  human  activity,  and 
when  it  is  rightly  used  it  becomes  a  powerful 
instrument  in  the  hands  of  God  to  carry  forth 
the  divine  plans  and  consummate  the  dreams  of 
Christ  touching  the  redemption  of  the  world. 
And  moreover,  money  in  the  home  lends  a  cer- 
tain dignity  and  relish  to  the  home,  provided  it 
is  servant  and  not  master  and  provided  it  play 
no  part  in  the  marriage  pact.  But  when  a 
woman  is  so  swayed  by  the  almighty  dollar  and 
so  swept  away  by  the  subtle  currents  of 
materialism  as  to  sell  her  body  and  soul  for 
money,  then  money  becomes  a  conscienceless, 
brutal,  shameless  instrument  employed  by  Satan 
to  further  his  diabolical  plans.  What  shall  it 
profit  a  woman  if  she  gain  the  whole  world  of 
money  bought  things  and  lose  her  soul  to  a 
man  so  base-born  as  to  buy  the  soul  of  a  woman 
with  dollars?  Verily,  she  hath  chosen  the  evil 
part  and  drawn  her  lines  in  hard  places.  And 
a  man  who  marries  solely  for  money  has  no 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME  7 

clearer  idea  of  the  epic  in  life  than  a  prairie 
chicken  has  of  the  beauty  of  the  Grand  Canon 
or  of  the  grandeur  of  Niagara. 

Many  marry  for  prestige  of  one  kind  or  an- 
other. Comes  along  an  ambitious  youth  with  a 
commercialistic  dream  or  so  and  scant  supply  of 
prestige  and  power,  who  sees  in  a  certain  match 
an  opportunity  to  further  his  interests  and 
increase  his  prestige  along  the  lines  of  his 
cherished  dreams.  Forgetful  of  the  sacredness 
and  the  seriousness  of  marriage,  forgetful  of 
the  sin  against  love,  forgetful  of  the  certain 
penalties  of  a  loveless  marriage,  he  rushes  into 
an  unholy  alliance  in  order  to  gain  prestige  and 
lay  hold  of  power.  Another  man  has  amassed 
a  fortune,  gained  power,  and  made  a  name,  but 
is  limited  in  his  supply  of  good  blood.  He  is 
not  happy  because  of  his  social  limitations,  but 
he  has  the  money  and  the  prestige  necessary 
to  purchase  the  commodity  that  is  so  commonly 
for  sale,  and  straightway  he  marries  him  a  wife, 
with  name  and  lineage  —  and  another  miserable 
couple  launches  another  empty  home  to  the  tune 
of  another  series  of  hollow  mockeries  and  barren 
conventionalities.  For  prestige,  for  power,  for 
name,  for  position,  men  and  women  are  selling 
their  bodies  and  their  souls  and  living  together 
in  the  sacred  name  of  love  under  the  roofs  of 
houses  they  call  homes.  Small  wonder  that 
there  are  so  many  home  failures. 


8  THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

Some  men  choose  beauty,  personal  appear- 
ance, charm  of  personality.  A  man  meets  a 
woman  who  fascinates  him  by  her  beautiful  face 
and  perfect  form.  He  is  swept  away  by  the 
tides  of  a  ceiling-high  passion  that  passes  away 
with  the  passing  of  spring.  Losing  sight  of  the 
fundamentals,  forgetful  of  the  realities  that  last 
for  all  time,  and  strangely  oblivious  to  the 
higher  call,  he  plunges  recklessly  into  a  wild  cat 
scheme  that  must  needs  end  in  wasted,  shrivelled, 
shrunken  manhood  and  womanhood  or  in  a 
modern  fashionable  divorce.  This  is  not  a  stric- 
ture on  beauty.  Nothing  short  of  the  hand  of 
God  could  fashion  a  lily,  a  rose,  a  morning  star, 
and  a  beautiful  woman.  But  a  rose  fades  and 
a  beautiful  woman  loses  her  bloom  of  youth,  and 
the  beauty  that  is  destined  to  last  but  a  handful 
of  fleeting  years.  And  what  is  more  tragic, 
more  passing  pitiable  than  a  wrinkled  brow,  a 
bent  form,  and  a  spent  youth  without  the  leaven 
of  a  pure  love  and  the  abiding  light  that  shines 
in  a  great  affection? 

Then,  a  large  number  of  people  marry  for 
mere  convenience.  A  woman  is  nearing  thirty 
or  perchance  has  unfortunately  passed  that 
dreaded  age.  The  consciousness  of  possible 
single  misery  dawns  upon  her.  She  has  been 
taught  by  her  sex  from  time  immemorial  that  it 
is  a  disgrace  to  be  an  old  maid.  She  has  a 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME  9 

horror  of  the  state.  It  haunts  her.  What  zwll 
her  fellow  women  think  of  her  inability  to  win  a 
husband?  Her  pride  is  wounded  too.  Other 
women  get  married;  why  can't  she?  And  so, 
haunted  by  these  ancestral  fears  and  harassed 
by  these  feminine  doubts,  she  straightway  wilts 
when  almost  any  old  thing  comes  along  an3 
says :  "  Wilt  thou  ?  "  I  have  known  really 
great  women  fall  victims  to  this  absurd,  foolish, 
and  unreasonable  fear.  How  much  more  prefer- 
able to  be  a  single  woman  living  a  beautiful, 
useful,  and  rich  life  than  married  to  a  stick,  a 
corn  stalk,  or  a  negative  quantity  dressed  in 
pants  and  living  in  a  state  of  physical,  mental, 
and  spiritual  innocuous  desuetude. 

Another  woman  wants  a  home.  She  needs  a 
home.  Nobody  seems  especially  to  want  her. 
She  is  first  in  no  life.  The  future  is  uninviting. 
She  marries  for  a  home.  Even  the  love  idealist 
must  grant  that  she  might  be  guilty  of  greater 
weaknesses.  A  man  has  lost  his  wife.  His  life 
lies  ahead  of  him.  Perchance  there  are  little 
children.  He  marries  again.  Some  censure 
him ;  others  approve.  The  love  idealist  holds 
that  love  is  love  forevermore,  that  the  door  of 
the  heart  is  locked  and  no  other  can  enter  in, 
that  the  altar  fires  must  be  kept  burning  until 
the  perfect  day  of  a  reunion  under  celestial  con- 
ditions. But  all  will  agree  that  an  old,  broken 


10         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

down,  spent,  and  practically  useless  person  has 
no  more  business  marrying  again  than  a  church 
mouse  has  with  a  silk  hat. 

What  motive  should  govern  the  choice  of  a 
husband  or  wife?  This  is  easy  to  answer. 
Love  above  all  else.  Indeed,  marriage  without 
love  is  immoral.  A  loveless  marriage  is  a  hell 
on  earth;  but  a  marriage  for  love  alone  makes 
home  a  heaven.  Love  is  essential.  There  is  so 
much  to  give  up  and  so  much  to  take  on.  A 
woman  must  leave  her  home,  surrender  her  name, 
refrain  from  many  forms  of  pleasure  she  loved 
before  the  light  that  never  was  on  sea  or  land 
broke  in  upon  her  soul.  Then  she  must  sub- 
merge her  life  into  the  life  of  her  husband.  She 
must  fall  as  well  as  rise  with  him,  share  his 
defeats  as  well  as  his  victories,  and  bear  a  thou- 
sand little  hardships  that  greet  her  ever  and 
anon  in  the  normal  workings  of  a  normal  home. 
Nothing  but  love  will  tide  her  over  the  sea  of 
matrimony.  But  love  will,  for  love  suffereth  long 
and  is  kind.  Love  never  faileth.  Love  glori- 
fies life  and  dignifies  the  commonplace.  Love 
gives  all  and  forgives  all.  There  come  times 
when  money  loses  its  charm,  when  prestige  is  no 
longer  appreciated,  when  beauty  fades  away, 
and  when  a  marriage  for  convenience  grows 
monotonous,  because  of  changed  conditions. 
But  there  never  comes  a  time  when  love  grows 
tired,  or  ugly,  or  weary.  And  love  never  grows 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         11 

old,  because  true  love  fastens  its  eyes  upon  the 
things  that  do  not  pass  away,  but  rather  grow 
richer  and  more  beautiful  with  the  passage  of 
the  years.  Age  only  softens  and  enriches  the 
soul.  When  two  people  love  each  other's  souls, 
then  the  passing  years  merely  serve  to  bind  them 
closer  together  with  the  golden  chain  of  love. 
In  any  marriage  founded  upon  anything  less 
than  an  abiding  soul  passion,  there  is  at  least 
a  possibility  of  a  failure,  for  in  every  home  oc- 
casions and  circumstances  arise  to  bind  closer 
together  those  who  love  or  separate  with  an 
ever  widening  gulf  those  who  love  not.  Love 
is  not  dependent  upon  what  the  object  loved 
possesses,  or  can  do,  but  is  its  own  excuse  for 
being  and  loves  for  reasons  far  above  possessions 
or  power  or  fame.  And  love  covers  a  multitude 
of  shortcomings  in  the  beloved  object  by  ideal- 
izing it,  that  which  is  loved  being  not  the  man 
or  the  woman  as  they  really  are  but  an  object- 
ified idealization.  And  no  other  force  or  power 
can  accomplish  this  feat  save  love. 

If  two  people  of  good  character,  congenial  in 
temperament,  blood,  and  tastes,  and  old  enough 
to  know  their  own  minds  and  to  recognize  the 
soul  element  in  love,  are  persuaded  that  they 
love  each  other  with  a  quenchless  passion,  they 
shall  consummate  their  love  in  spite  of  the  pro- 
test of  friends  and  in  spite  of  adverse  circum- 
stances. A  woman  must  leave  her  father  and 


12         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

her  mother  and  cleave  unto  her  husband.  She 
is  primarily  concerned  in  the  marriage. 
Parents  have  no  right  to  choose  husbands  and 
wives  for  their  sons  and  daughters.  It  is  theirs 
to  object  when  the  character  of  the  person  con- 
cerned is  vicious  or  when  circumstances  are  such 
that  beyond  the  shadow  of  a  doubt  the  marriage 
would  be  a  calamity.  But  to  choose  for  their 
children  is  beyond  their  prerogative.  Love  is 
a  subtle,  unaccountable,  indefinable,  and  elusive 
thing.  What  does  a  parent  know  about  the' 
qualities  that  will  win  the  heart  of  a  girl?  This 
thing  of  a  mother  making  matches  for  her 
daughters  by  taking  advantage  of  the  maternal 
influence,  and  thereby  irrevocably  fixing  her 
daughter's  future  life  for  all  time,  is  not  only 
serious  business,  but  often  a  vicious  interference 
with  a  God-given  right.  And  this  thing  of  ob- 
jecting to  a  man  of  high  character  and  moral 
fibre  on  account  of  some  2x4  pusillanimous 
squeamish  whim  is  monumental  in  its  selfishness 
and  colossal  in  its  unwisdom.  But  in  this  age 
with  so  many  light,  frivolous,  frisky,  thought- 
less, modern  girls  this  God-given  right  is  so 
sinned  against  by  the  girl  herself,  that  without 
unusual  discernment,  it  is  almost  impossible  for 
a  mother  to  know  when  her  girl  is  possessed  of 
any  high  degree  of  soul-power.  But  I  am 
speaking  of  sensible  girls,  not  typical  modern 
featherweights.  The  Lord  have  mercy  upon 
them,  for  they  need  it. 


Ill 

WHOM  TO  MARRY 

It  may  be  of  help  to  some  to  give  a  concrete 
picture  of  the  type  of  man  and  the  type  of 
woman  essential  to  an  ideal  home.  This  does 
not  mean  that  no  home  is  great  unless  it  con- 
forms to  this  standard,  nor  yet  that  this  is  the 
only  type  of  man  and  woman  capable  of  making 
an  ideal  home.  But  these  qualities  or  at  least 
similar  and  kindred  qualities  are  necessary  for 
the  largest  and  highest  expression  of  home  life 
and  home  making.  In  choosing  a  man  for  your 
husband,  my  friend,  remember  first  of  all  that 
the  man  you  are  about  to  marry  is  going  to  be 
the  father  of  your  children.  Are  you  willing  for 
that?  If  you  are,  then  you  want  to  make  sure 
that  his  character  is  above  reproach,  that  his 
spirit  is  big  and  white,  and  that  his  heart  is 
generous  and  true.  You  want  to  ascertain 
whether  he  has  been  good  to  his  mother  and 
sister  and  how  he  treats  dumb  and  helpless  ani- 
mals. Then  you  have  a  right  to  know  his  at- 
titude to  sacred  things,  his  conception  of  God, 
his  attitude  to  the  Church,  how  he  conducts 
himself  in  relation  to  holy  things  of  every  shade 
13 


14         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

»  and  description.  A  young  man  who  mocks  God 
and  scoffs  at  religion  and  makes  fun  of  the 
ministry  and  laughs  at  holy  things  is  funda- 
mentally at  fault,  and  with  such  your  home  will 
be  built  upon  a  foundation  of  sand  which  will 
be  swept  away  by  the  first  storm  of  adversity. 
I  do  not  mean  to  imply  that  nothing  but  a  pious, 
saintly,  sanctified  Church  fiend  can  make  a  suc- 
cessful husband.  On  the  contrary,  this  very 
kind  sometimes  fails  more  egregiously  than  the 
out-and-out  non  Christians.  Some  folks  say  he 
is  so  good  that  his  thoughts  are  continually 
soaring  above  the  earth,  and  as  the  home  is 
built  upon  the  earth,  he  makes  a  poor  husband. 
He  would  be  a  greater  success  in  a  house  not 
made  with  hands.  But  do  not  believe  this  for  a 
moment.  All  is  not  goodness  that  smacks  of 
piety. 

The  best  man  makes  the  best  husband. 
The  most  beautiful  homes  are  those  in  which 
dwell  men  and  women  who  are  holiest  of  heart 
and  grandest  in  soul.  The  religion  of  the  Lord 
Jesus  Christ  is  peculiarly  adapted  to  the  home. 
There  above  every  other  place  in  life  religion  is 
needed  and  Christianity  counts  for  most. 
Show  me  a  home  whose  inmates  are  genuine  fol- 
lowers of  the  Man  of  Galilee,  and  I  will  show 
you  a  home  where  love  is  enthroned,  peace  has 
its  abode,  kindness  is  a  constant  visitor,  tender- 
ness is  practiced,  and  happiness  knows  no 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         15 

bounds.     The  followers  of  the  Son  of  God  are 
home  makers. 

Where  there  is  faith 

There  is  love. 

Where  there  is  love 

There  is  Peace. 

Where  there  is  Peace 

There  is  God. 

Where  there  is  God 

There  is  no  need. 


Therefore^  If  the  man  you  love  is  *v 
you  are  thrice  blessed.  He  will  render  you 
TTappy  —  if  not  for  your  sake,  for  Christ's  sake, 
for  Christians  have  a  way  of  trying  to  make  . 
people  happy  for  Christ's  sake.  If  your  pro!  L/> 
spective  drinks,  you  will  do  well  to  let  him  re-l 
main  where  he  is,  unless  you  feel  your  life  work\ 
to  be  a  drunkard's  slave  and  a  missionary  to 
a  beast.  He  will  insist  that  he  is  going  to  stop. 
And  he  may  while  he  is  your  sweetheart.  And 
you  will  be  flattered.  And  you  will  very  likely 
marry  him  in  spite  of  the  stare  of  the  wise  and 
the  world's  derision.  And  in  a  sense  you  will 
be  doing  a  big,  heroic,  brave  thing,  an  idealistic 
thing.  But  you  will  also  be  doing  a  silly  thing, 
for  unless  your  husband  is  thoroughly  converted, 

and_becomes    a    gpnm'np    fnllnwpr    nf    +>IP    gfqi'n, 

Je§sJChristr"he  will  return  to  his  bottle  in  spite 
of  the  war  of  elements,  the  wreck  of  matter, 
the  crash  of  worlds,  and  your  copious  tears. 


16         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

Few  forces  short  of  a  big  slice  of  old  time  re- 
ligion will  finally  and  permanently  save  a 
drunkard.  And  you  had  better  be  careful  about 
these  men  who  think  a  social  drink  the  thing, 
for  social  drinking  has  sent  more  men  to  the 
devil  than  you  care  to  believe. 

Do  not  marry  a  crank  on  any  subject.  He 
will  make  you  unhappy.  If  you  are  not  a 
genius  plus  two  dreams,  he  will  prize  his  fad 
more  than  he  does  you.  He  is  warped,  twisted, 
crooked,  contorted,  and  unbalanced,  therefore 
is  not  normal,  and  being  abnormal,  will  make 
an  unsuccessful  husband.  And  you  should  be- 
ware a  man  whose  dreams  hover  around  flesh 
pots.  Flesh  pots  are  dangerous.  A  man  misses 
the  glory  of  the  stars  when  he  keeps  his  eyes 
fastened  on  flesh  pots.  And,  if  you  are  really 
a  great  woman,  your  married  life  will  be  un- 
endurable without  an  occasional  joy  ride  of  the 
soul  among  the  stars.  You  want  a  man  grand 
in  soul ;  sweet  of  nature ;  pure  of  heart ;  big  in 
spirit ;  true  to  a  few  abiding  verities ;  strong  in 
principle  ;  refined  in  tastes  ;  gentle  in  his  strength 
and  strong  in  his  gentleness ;  capable  of  fine 
sweeps  of  primal  emotions  but  constrained  in 
his  expression  thereof:  moved  to  infinite  reaches 
of  tenderness  by  sufficient  cause,  but  free  from 
effeminacy ;  loving  great  music  and  great  books 
and  beautiful  flowers  without  being  a  crank 
about  any ;  free  from  any  marks  of  laziness  and 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         17 

lack  of  ambition,  for  such  things  maketh  the 
heart  of  a  great  wife  sick;  and  loving  his  wife 
more  than  all  else  on  earth  —  this  is  the  sort  of 
man  you  want  for  a  husband  if  you  are  going  to 
make  an  ideal  home. 

And  this  man  should  not  marry  a  typical 
modern  girl.  She  is  a  study.  Her  name  is 
legion.  Her  tribe  multiplies  all  too  fast.  She 
lives  in  cities  generally,  but  the  germ  has 
penetrated  certain  country  districts.  She  is 
a  bunch  of  frills  and  furbelows  and  finery.  She 
is  lightweight  and  fantastic.  Her  clothes  gen- 
erally cost  more  than  she  is  worth,  and  some- 
times more  than  her  father  is  worth.  She  lives 
on  excitement  and  engagements  and  candy. 
This  young  lady  may  evolve  into  a  woman,  but 
all  evidences  and  circumstances  point  to  the 
contrary,  because  she  habitually,  willfully,  and 
deliberately  engages  in  such  spiritually  demor- 
alizing pleasures  and  pastimes  that  her  higher 
nature  is  quenched,  her  seriousness  of  purpose 
thwarted,  her  finer  emotions  atrophied,  and  her 
whole  nature  shriveled  and  shrunken.  To  her 
high  society  is  a  full-grown  god:  to  her  several 
engagements  at  one  and  the  same  time  with  as 
many  men  is  a  brilliant  achievement;  to  her 
a  dance  until  twilight  on  the  wrong  side  of  the 
day  and  much  popularity  at  said  dance  is  a 
high  spot  in  the  march  of  progress;  to  her  a 
morning  nap  ending  promptly  at  ten  o'clock 


18         THE  MAKING  OP  A  HOME 

while  her  tired  mother  (who,  by  the  way,  is 
more  tired  than  sensible,  else  she  would  train 
her  children  differently)  wears  herself  out  and 
causes  her  husband  to  wish  he  were  worn  out 
—  to  her  this  is  "  awfully  cute."  The  modern 
girl  and  high  society  are  conditioned  one  upon 
the  other.  They  could  not  thrive  apart.  They 
are  the  cause  and  the  continuation  of  each  other. 
High  society  is  a  selfish,  narrow,  thirsty,  god- 
less, conscienceless  monster,  feeding  and  fatten- 
ing upon  the  souls  of  silly,  sentimental,  pleasure- 
loving,  selfish,  prideful,  and  painfully  light- 
weight young  folks,  whose  brains,  if  stewed 
down  and  packed  into  the  head  of  an  English 
sparrow,  said  English  sparrow  wouldn't  have 
sense  enough  to  get  out  of  a  shower  of  rain. 
In  all  of  our  praying  let  us  pray  fervently  and 
devoutly  to  be  delivered  from  a  typical,  light- 
weight, modern,  high  society  woman,  and  let  us 
pray  that  the  good  Lord  may  deliver  them  from 
themselves. 

She  must  think  more  of  a  heart  than  a  hat 
and  less  of  a  bank  note  than  a  soul  value.  Your 
wife  should  know  that  she  loves  you  more  than 
she  ever  could  love  any  other  man  —  and  she 
must  be  capable  of  loving  you  so  much  that 
every  other  consideration  in  life,  whether  of  dol- 
lars or  fame,  pleasure  or  dress,  luxury  or  ease, 
resolves  itself  into  a  consuming,  transforming 
passion  for  the  man  she  loves,  passing  in  music 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         19 

out  of  sight,  melting  into  the  scale  of  love, 
swelling  the  one,  eternal,  abiding,  absorbing  love 
of  her  life.  (Then,  of  course,  if  you  fail  to 
give  her  all  the  incidentals,  provided  you  can, 
and  she  would  relish  them,  you  are  an  ingrate.) 
You  do  not  want  your  wife  actually  to  give  up 
anything  or  everything  for  you,  but  you  want 
to  know  that  she  is  made  of  the  sort  of  stuff 
to  do  it,  provided  it  were  necessary.  She 
should  be  a  woman  of  rare  spirit ;  spotless  soul ; 
crystalline  honor ;  lily -pure  heart ;  sweet  nature ; 
beautiful  character;  a  quenchless  thirst  after 
righteousness ;  an  abiding  allegiance  to  the 
beautiful  and  the  true;  an  exquisite  refinement 
of  sympathy;  a  triumphant  resolve  to  conquer 
adversity  and  misfortune ;  a  passion  for  mother- 
hood ;  vast  sweeps  of  compassion  and  pity ;  a 
burning  hatred  of  evil  and  sham  and  baseness ; 
a  rare  appreciation  of  the  aesthetic;  and  a 
peace  that  is  born  of  daily  fellowship  and  com- 
munion with  God.  With  two  such  people  as 
principals  in  a  home,  life  will  be  highly  worth 
living,  the  Christ  will  be  a  frequent  visitor,  the 
whole  community  will  be  blessed  by  the  gracious 
currents  of  life  that  flow  from  it,  and  those  who 
enter  will  go  away  refreshed  in  spirit  and  lifted 
in  soul.  Such  homes  are  the  dreams  after 
which  the  idealists  are  reaching,  but  they  will 
never  be  realized  until  such  qualities  or  kindred 
qualities  are  found  in  the  makers  of  homes. 


IV 
THE  WEDDING  DAY  — AND  AFTER 

Marriage  is  a  beautiful  conception,  a  noble 
institution,  a  divinely  approved  custom.  It  be- 
gins with  the  idyllic  union  in  the  Garden  of 
Eden  and  will  be  in  force  until  the  last  vestige 
of  human  life  is  swept  from  the  face  of  the 
earth.  Marriage  is  sacred  in  the  sight  of  God. 
There  is  nothing  holier  on  earth  than  the  blend- 
ing of  two  kindred  souls  and  the  binding  of  two 
kindred  spirits  in  the  holy  bonds  of  wedlock. 
The  marriage  ceremony  legalizes  the  union,  but 
the  real  marriage  ceremony  is  performed  in  the 
celestial  cathedral  with  God  as  priest,  the  angels 
as  audience,  and  the  choir  invisible  rendering 
the  wedding  march.  That  is,  if  two  people  fol- 
low the  Christ  as  nearly  as  possible  and  look  to 
God  for  guidance  and  direction  in  both  large 
and  small  things.  Surely  God  will  lead  us  in 
this  the  most  important  step  in  life  if  we  trust 
Him.  Why  not?  All  marriages  are  not  made 
in  heaven  for  the  simple  reason  that  so  many 
people  shut  God  out  of  their  lives,  but  if  we 
trusted  Him  as  we  should,  all  marriages  would 
be  made  in  heaven.  But  that  does  not  mean 
20 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         21 

that  God  would  do  everything,  any  more  than 
He  runs  His  Church  on  earth.  It  simply 
means  that  under  the  leadership  of  God  we 
would  be  enabled  to  choose  a  God-given  soul- 
mate,  and  the  happiness  and  peace  and  success 
of  our  home  would  be  insured. 

When  people  truly  and  genuinely  love  each 
other  and  the  primal,  elemental  powers  of  the 
^  soul  are  brought  to  play  in  their  love,  then  in 
the  highest  sense  they  are  already  married,  for 
the  marriage  of  souls  is  a  greater  and  grander 
conception  than  the  legal  ceremony.  The  soul 
is  the  summwm  bonum  of  human  life.  It  stands 
alone  as  the  only  abiding  entity  in  the  whole 
sweep  of  created  entities.  It  is  in  reality  of  the 
same  substance  as  God,  for  in  our  souls  we  are 
fashioned  like  unto  Him.  The  body  passes 
away  with  the  passage  of  a  few  fleeting  years. 
Therefore,  when  two  souls  marry,  the  ceremony 
is  more  far  reaching  and  vital  than  when  a 
preacher  pronounces  them  man  and  wife.  Can 
the  preacher's  saying  "  I  pronounce  you  man 
and  wife  "  make  the  woman  you  love  any  more 
the  soul  of  your  soul?  A  number  of  things _ 
might  break  the  legal  ceremony,  but  the  cere- 
mony of  the  soul  is  eternal.  Those  whom  God 
hath  joined  together  man  cannot  put  asunder. 
But  in  the  very  nature  of  the  case  the  legal 
ceremony  is  not  to  be  minimized.  It  plays  its 
part;  likewise  the  soul.  They  are  comple- 


22         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

mentary.  Neither  can  live  without  the  other. 
A  mere  legal  marriage  is  a  travesty,  a  miserable 
mockery ;  a  mere  soul  union  is  a  transgression 
of  human  and  divine  law,  and  invites  alike  the 
disapproval  of  man  and  the  wrath  of  God. 
This  being  the  case,  an  engagement  becomes  in 
a  sense  as  sacred  as  a  marriage.  This  fact 
needs  to  be  stressed  in  these  times  of  broken  be- 
trothals and  lightly  contracted  engagements. 
In  society  today  an  engagement  with  many 
young  men  and  women  means  no  more  than  a 
promise  to  go  joy  riding  next  week.  This  does 
very  well  among  birds  of  a  feather,  men  and 
women  whose  souls  are  so  shrunken  by  the  con- 
tracting influences  of  modern  society  life  that 
they  are  no  longer  capable  of  a  grand  passion. 
But  when  one  of  these  burnt  out,  warped,  twisted 
hybrids  comes  into  contact  with  a  man  or  a 
woman  whose  heart  is  potential  and  whose  soul 
is  capable  of  rare  sweeps  of  love,  then  a  lightly 
contracted  and  an  equally  lightly  broken  en- 
gagement becomes  a  grave  thing.  Indeed,  there 
is  such  a  possibility  as  a  broken  heart  with  a 
broken  engagement  —  and  a  broken  heart  is  no 
spectacle  to  call  forth  laughter  but  rather  a 
sight  to  weep  over.  Some  young  people  pride 
themselves  upon  the  number  of  hearts  they  can 
break.  (God  have  mercy  upon  their  souls!) 
But  a  broken  heart  means  a  broken  spirit,  and 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         23 

a  broken  spirit  means  a  withered  life,  and  a 
withered  life  means  a  lost  life,  therefore  the 
heart  breaker  in  a  sense  becomes  a  grim,  vicious, 
heinous  reality,  a  hellish  instrument  in  the  hands 
of  an  irresponsible,  inflated,  small-souled,  hard- 
hearted, canary-brained  being,  causing  clouded 
vision,  sleepless  nights,  dreary  days,  and  ex- 
quisite pain.  When  people  plight  their  troth 
each  to  other,  they  should  regard  the  promise 
the  most  serious  and  sacred  of  all  the  promises 
of  life,  unless  it  be  a  foolish  or  a  wrong  promise, 
and  their  loyalty  to  each  other  should  be  as 
true  and  as  binding  as  if  they  were  indeed  and 
in  truth  husband  and  wife.  They  should  natur- 
ally prefer  their  society  to  that  of  others,  and 
it  is  indeed  a  passing  strange  type  of  man  or 
woman  who  craves  the  society  of  other  women 
and  other  men  after  they  become  engaged,  and 
not  only  are  loath  to  give  up  old  friends  but 
are  not  happy  unless  they  can  keep  them  dan- 
gling until  the  wedding  day  is  actually  in  sight. 
This  is  a  phenomenon  of  human  nature  which 
resolves  itself  into  an  enigma  and  refuses  to  be 
analyzed  by  the  normal,  average  mind  of  mortal 
man.  How  can  our  homes  be  great  centers  of 
character  building  and  soul  culture  when  so 
many  of  them  are  built  upon  such  flimsy,  slight, 
sandy,  mushy  foundations?  As  soon  expect 
grapes  to  grow  from  thorns  and  figs  from  this- 


24         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

ties,  the  Ethiopian  to  change  his  color  and  the 
leopard  his  spots,  as  to  expect  great  results  from 
such  sorry  beginnings. 

The  wedding  day  should  be  the  greenest 
memory  in  after  life.  Around  it  should  cluster 
the  tenderest,  the  most  sacred  associations  and 
memories.  There  is  nothing  to  be  afraid  of  if 
there  is  perfect  love,  perfect  trust,  and  perfect 
faith  —  and  if  these  elements  are  lacking  there 
had  better  be  no  wedding  day  until  they  are 
forthcoming,  for  single  misery  is  preferable 
to  double  torment.  The  wedding  ceremony  is  a 
sacred  thing,  and  the  arrangements  for  the  oc- 
casion should  be  in  keeping  therewith.  Sim- 
plicity of  taste  and  simplicity  of  performance 
should  be  the  dominant  note.  This  does  not 
mean  that  handsome  clothes  and  even  a  complex 
array  of  attendants  should  be  debarred,  but  it 
does  mean  that  a  gaudy,  showy,  thrilling,  un- 
necessarily expensive,  and  tasteless  wedding  is 
a  sacrilege  and  a  sin,  and  the  contractors  are 
selling  their  birthrights  for  a  mess  of  pottage 
by  converting  the  most  sacred  occasion  of  their 
lives  into  a  free-for-all  show  to  win  the  applause 
of  a  wondering,  jealous,  envious,  delighted 
gathering  of  onlookers  who  would  go  and 
straightway  do  likewise  —  if  they  could  afford 
it. 

When  two  people  have  loved,  won,  and  mar- 
ried each  other,  there  is  a  temptation  to  rest 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         25 

on  their  oars,  to  let  up  in  their  efforts  to  please, 
to  hold  each  other's  love.  It  is  so  natural  to 
think  they  "  have  got "  each  other.  The 
preacher  pronounced  them  man  and  wife,  there- 
fore there  is  no  danger  of  either  losing  the  other. 
But  this  is  false  reasoning  and  a  grave  mistake. 
Nearly  any  two  people  can  hold  each  other's 
love  —  and  each  other  —  several  times  a  week 
in  a  parlor,  dressed  in  good  clothes  and  a  planet's 
distance  away  from  the  work  and  worries  and 
cares  and  common-place  affairs  of  life.  When 
they  see  each  other  the  circumstances  are  ideal, 
the  environment  propitious,  and  the  halo  of 
romance  and  perchance  the  mystery  and  the 
poetry  of  night  are  wrapped  about  them  as  a 
rare,  beautiful  garment.  There  is  nothing  to 
do  but  love.  But  wait  until  after  the  wedding 
when  real  life  greets  you,  when  the  eternal  com- 
monplace speaks  to  you  persistently,  when  the 
mystery  and  the  poetry  of  night  resolve  them- 
selves into  the  common  open-eyed  day  with  its 
round  of  prosaic  duties  and  its  seeming  lack 
of  poetry  and  star  shine  and  star  dust.  If  you 
are  not  very  careful  and  if  you  are  not  abid- 
ingly in  love  with  the  soul  of  your  husband, 
when  you  look  at  your  husband  at  table  three 
times  a  day  he  may  seem  just  an  ordinary, 
every  day  human  being  instead  of  the  dream- 
like angelic  being  you  idealized  him  to  be  in  the 
days  and  nights  called  halcyon.  And  if  your 


26         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

love  is  founded  upon  anything  less  than  the 
soul,  you  may  wake  up  to  find  that  your  wife 
is  only  a  woman  with  a  woman's  faults  and 
failures  and  not  the  exquisitely  fashioned  crea- 
ture (the  pattern  of  whom  is  forever  lost)  you 
idealized  her  to  be.  While  the  temptation  to 
lapse  after  marriage  is  great,  the  real  reasons 
for  being  more  watchful  and  more  continually 
attractive  in  the  eyes  of  each  other  are  greater 
than  before  marriage.  Your  wife  may  not 
leave  you  —  it  is  highly  probable  she  will  not, 
especially  if  there  are  children  —  but  you  can 
lose  the  love  of  her  heart  and  you  can  lose  the 
loyalty  and  allegiance  of  her  soul  —  and  what 
do  you  want  with  a  woman  whose  heart  does 
not  thrill  with  an  abiding  love  for  you  and  whose 
soul  is  not  stirred  and  fired  by  a  great  passion 
for  you? 

Most  people  who  are  happily  married  are  apt 
to  think  others  are  likewise  happily  married, 
and  vice  versa.  But  in  reality  there  are  too 
few  ideal  homes.  How  many  homes  have  you 
known  that  were  characterized  by  perfect  love, 
perfect  congeniality,  perfect  harmony,  perfect 
understanding,  and  perfect  happiness?  Of 
course,  everybody  is  lovely  and  harmonious 
and  wreathed  in  smiles  when  you  pay  a  short 
visit  to  a  home,  but  that  is  not  knowing  the 
character  and  the  complexion  of  a  home.  The 
real  home  is  the  life  that  is  lived  day  after  day 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         27 

and  night  after  night  when  there  is  no  strange 
eye  to  look  on  and  no  visitor  for  whom  appear- 
ances must  be  kept  up.  Perfect  love,  congenial- 
ity, harmony,  understanding,  and  happiness 
are  far  too  rare  in  the  real  home,  not  the  home 
life  that  is  presented  to  the  casual  visitor. 
But  God  evidently  meant  homes  to  be  happy 
and  successful,  else  He  had  not  launched  them. 
There  are  certain  fixed  laws  governing  happi- 
ness and  success  in  marriage,  even  as  there  are 
fixed  laws  governing  the  movements  of  stars  and 
ocean  tides,  and  ideal  marriages  are  condi- 
tioned upon  the  observance  and  the  practice  of 
certain  requirements  even  as  growing  crops  and 
flowers  are  conditioned  upon  sunshine  and  rain. 
These  will  be  stated  and  elaborated  in  the  fol- 
lowing chapters. 


A  HAPPY  MARRIAGE:  SOME 
ESSENTIALS 

1.  As  already  remarked,  love  is  an  absolute 
necessity  for  an  ideal  relationship  between  hus- 
band and  wife.  A  home  without  love  is  as  a 
ship  without  a  rudder,  Niagara  without  the 
Great  Lakes,  a  rainbow  without  the  influence  of 
the  sun.  As  well  try  to  strike  divine  music 
from  a  harp  out  of  tune  as  to  try  to  establish 
a  great  marital  relationship  without  a  great 
love.  The  greatest  artist  could  not  make  music 
on  a  banjo  that  would  stir  the  soul  in  such 
fashion  that  time  and  place  would  be  forgotten 
in  a  sort  of  divine  ecstasy  of  delight,  neither 
can  two  people,  tho  individually  strong  in  char- 
acter and  grand  in  soul,  project  a  beautiful, 
ideal  home  life  without  the  pregnant  foundation 
of  love.  Love  is  the  fulfilling  of  marriage. 
Love  is  life  and  life  is  love,  and  nowhere  is  this 
truer  than  in  the  home.  Love  is  a  miracle.  It 
does  not  behave  itself  in  conformity  to  any 
natural  law.  It  is  supernatural.  It  tran- 
scends and  comprehends  all  law.  Love  is  the 
fulfilling  of  the  law.  It  is  as  old  as  the  human 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         29 

heart  and  as  young  as  the  last  wedding  a  mo- 
ment since.  Strange,  passing  strange,  is  the 
mystery  that  engages  our  attention  whenever 
two  people  separated  by  space  and  material 
realities,  often  never  laying  eyes  on  each  other 
until  the  light  that  never  was  on  sea  or  land 
breaks  in  on  their  souls,  are  suddenly  as  the 
lighting  flashes  —  or  gradually  —  as  the  day 
dawns  —  swept  away  from  old  moorings  by  the 
tides  of  a  great  and  resistless  love,  giving  all  in 
the  prodigality  of  a  beautiful  abandon  of  soul 
and  demanding  all  in  a  sort  of  divinely  incon- 
sistent larger  selfishness.  The  man  is  now 
moved  by  a  passion  stronger  than  life  and 
greater  than  death.  The  old  order  of  things 
passes  away  and  the  new  passion  takes  posses- 
sion, resolving  all  thoughts,  all  activities,  and 
all  conduct  into  the  likeness  of  itself.  What 
was  once  hard  now  becomes  easy;  what  was 
foolishness  is  now  rarest  wisdom ;  what  was  most 
worth  while  after  which  to  strive  seems  not  so 
important  after  all.  He  is  not  only  willing, 
but  ready  to  make  any  sacrifice  and  he  doesn't 
even  call  it  sacrifice,  but  rather  a  rare  privilege. 
Life  is  painted  in  new  colors,  more  radiantly 
beautiful  and  richly  hued  than  he  had  dreamed 
of  in  his  wildest  flights  of  imagination.  Noth- 
ing is  worth  while,  nothing  counts,  unless  he 
can  win  the  heart  of  the  woman  he  loves.  And 
the  woman  —  she  is  not  only  willing  and  ready 


30         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

to  leave  home,  pleasures,  parents,  her  all,  and 
follow  him  anywhere,  everywhere,  but  she  suffers 
a  quenchless  thirst  until  she  is  privileged  to 
make  the  great  surrender  for  the  infinitely 
greater  reward,  the  mystic  reward  of  love. 
Stirred  by  this  divine  passion,  fired  by  these 
splendid  motives,  and  swept  by  this  tide  of  ele- 
mental, primal  love-consciousness,  they  become 
one  in  soul,  one  in  purpose,  one  in  life.  And 
without  this,  there  cannot  be  largest  success, 
purest  happiness,  and  richest  home  life. 

2.  Next  to  love,  as  an  essential  to  wedded 
happiness  comes  congeniality,  congeniality  of 
temperament,  tastes,  ideals,  purposes,  and  char- 
acter. Incompatibility  of  nature  and  interests 
are  hot  beds  for  the  growth  of  all  sorts  of 
noxious  weeds  which  choke  and  stifle  growth  in 
wedded  harmony  and  success.  A  materialistic, 
commercialistic,  of-the-earth-earthy  man  mar- 
ries a  rare,  radiant  spirited,  highly  poetic, 
delicately  constructed  and  exquisitely  refined 
woman.  By  some  strange  freak  and  idiosyn- 
crasy of  love  and  by  the  response  of  a  super- 
ficial chord  or  so,  they  love  each  other,  or  think 
they  do.  But  their  lives  were  projected  along 
entirely  different  lines  and  their  tastes,  tem- 
perament, dreams,  purposes,  and  conception  of 
relative  values  are  vitally  different  in  their  gen- 
eral make  up.  The  result  is  continuous  clash 
and  jar  and  discord  that  mar  the  harmony  of 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         31 

the  relationship,  which  means  no  abiding  happi- 
ness. Her  ways  are  not  his  ways  and  his  ways 
are  not  her  ways.  If  she  tries  to  conform  to 
his  standards,  conceptions,  tastes,  ideals,  she 
becomes  an  actress,  a  false  entity,  not  herself 
nor  yet  another,  and  furthermore  she  must 
needs  sacrifice  her  ideals,  her  dreams,  and  even 
her  principles,  and  submerge  herself  wholly  into 
his  life.  But  the  cost  is  too  great.  The  re- 
ward is  not  sufficient.  That  sort  of  business  is 
highly  in  order  in  our  relationship  with  the 
Master,  because  in  losing  our  life  we  gain  a 
larger,  richer,  fuller  life,  infinitely  more  valuable 
and  more  beautiful  than  the  old  life,  but  not 
so  with  a  mere  man  of-the-earth-earthy  in  order 
to  establish  a  more  congenial  and  more  perfect 
bond  of  fellowship.  In  such  a  case  the  only 
possible  solution  is  constant  striving  of  the  man 
to  identify  himself  with  the  several  segments  in 
the  circle  of  his  wife's  tastes,  life,  dreams,  and 
purposes,  and  finally  to  attain  unto  the  point 
where  he  becomes  harmonized  with  the  entire 
circle  and  therefore  in  perfect  accord  with  his 
wife.  Under  such  circumstances,  she  becomes 
to  him  an  angel  with  healing  in  her  wings  and 
his  love  for  her  has  transformed  him  into  a 
higher  order  of  creation.  But  this  is  so  rare 
that  it  is  exceedingly  perilous  for  the  above  type 
of  woman  to  rush  into  a  hasty  marriage  with 
the  above  type  of  man  in  the  face  of  such 


m         THE  MAKING  OP  A  HOME 

tremendous  odds  without  testing  his  love  and 
loyalty  and  potentiality  by  every  known  test. 
Even  when  people  are  equally  strong  in  char- 
acter and  grand  in  soul,  it  is  a  strain  on 
love  to  overrule  and  overcome  all  minor  incom- 
patibilities of  temperament  and  uncongeniality 
of  tastes,  but  when  the  fundamentals  also  are 
at  variance,  then  love  is  strained  to  snapping 
and  cosmos  becomes  chaos.  In  the  marriage 
relationship  more  than  anywhere  else  con- 
geniality is  at  a  premium,  and  congenial  mar- 
ried people  are  thrice  blessed,  for  the  whole 
tenor  of  life  is  vitally  affected,  and  there  is 
an  added  zest  and  relish  over  the  folks  who  are 
not  naturally  congenial. 

3.  After  congeniality  comes  confidence  or 
trust,  without  which  there  can  be  no  abiding 
happiness  in  marriage.  Faith  props  the  world 
up  on  its  shoulders.  The  business  world  could 
not  operate  without  confidence;  friendship 
could  not  exist  without  faith;  the  smallest  de- 
tails of  everyday  life  are  conditioned  upon 
trust.  How  much  more  so  the  relationship  of 
all  others  the  most  intimate,  the  most  dependent 
upon  the  highest  qualities.  If  there  is  not  per- 
fect faith  on  both  sides,  there  cannot  be  lasting 
happiness,  for  married  people  must  trust  each 
other.  There  must  be  no  secrets.  The  door 
of  either  heart  must  be  kept  ajar.  There  must 
be  perfect  confidence  and  a  mutual  exchange 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         33 

of  thoughts,  interests,  incidents,  and  purposes. 
A  man  sins  against  his  wife  when  he  refuses  to 
let  her  into  Es"  business  Iife7  and  in  fact,  into 
anything  that  touches  his  life  even  remotely; 
and  a  woman  should  conceal  nothing  from  her 
husband.  The  birthright  of  love  accords  to 
them  this  privilege.  And  the  woman  who 
thoughtlessly  tells  to  outsiders  the  business,  pro- 
fessional, or  private  secrets  revealed  to  her  by 
her  husband  in  the  sacred  name  and  under  the 
divine  protection  of  love  is  monumentally  stupid, 
colossally  silly,  and  stupendously  lacking  in  the 
elements  of  sense,  tact,  and  judgment.  In 
many  instances  the  apparent  reprehensible  lack 
of  communicativeness  on  the  part  of  husbands 
is  due  to  a  certain  rare  display  of  unwisdom 
on  the  part  of  wives  in  publishing  upon  house 
tops  secrets  that  have  been  whispered  to  them 
in  bedrooms.  But  often  times  men  fail  to  talk 
of  their  business  affairs  to  their  wives  because 
they  erroneously  imagine  they  are  not  interested 
in  such  things  or  perchance  they  are  lacking  in 
business  acumen.  Could  they  shuffle  off  the 
masculine  coil  of  egotism  and  condescend  to  ask 
advice  of  their  wives,  they  would  often  find  that 
their  business  would  prosper  more  under  the 
direction  of  two  than  single  handed.  The 
conceit  of  some  men  is  monstrous;  their  ways 
past  finding  out. 
\  In  order  to  establish  the  highest  bond  of 


34         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

faith  and  fellowship,  it  is  absolutely  necessary 
for  husband  and  wife  to  deal  frankly  and  can- 
didly with  each  other.  There  should  be  crys- 
talline honor,  guileless  confidence,  and  large- 
hearted  lack  of  suspicion.  As  soon  as  one  of 
the  contracting  parties  is  so  thoughtless  and 
criminal  as  to  deceive  the  other,  then  a  gulf  is 
fixed,  barriers  are  set  up,  and  the  foundations 
of  love,  which  are  always  out  of  sight,  are 
being  shaken  and  eaten  away.  It  is  not  even 
necessary  for  the  other  party  to  know  of  the 
deception,  it  is  only  necessary  to  deceive  —  the 
results  are  certain.  It  is  a  sin  against  love,  a 
crime  against  marriage,  a  slur  on  the  soul  of 
our  soul,  and  the  reflex  influence  on  our  soul 
and  our  own  love  is  what  pinches  most.  After 
all,  it  is  more  important  to  love  than  to  be  loved, 
more  blessed  to  give  than  to  receive,  and  when 
we  deceive  the  one  who  loves  us,  we  damage  our 
own  soul  and  blight  our  own  love  through  the 
subtle  but  powerful  law  of  reflex  action. 

People  have  no  business  marrying  unless  they 
mean  to  trust  each  other  implicitly  and  tell 
each  other  everything,  for  if  they  do  not,  it 
simply  means  a  glaring  lack  of  faith,  and  if 
faith  is  lacking,  it  were  better  had  they  never 
married,  for  faith  is  the  evidence  of  things  not 
seen  in  the  married  as  well  as  in  the  spiritual 
life. 


VI 

A  HAPPY  MARRIAGE:  MORE 
ESSENTIALS 

4.  The  next  essential  to  an  ideal  relationship 
is  unselfishness.  This  is  a  divine  gift.  There 
is  nothing  more  beautiful  in  the  whole  sweep  of 
Christian  graces,  and  unselfishness  is  a  Christian 
grace.  A  self  centered,  selfish  person  has  no 
business  marrying,  for  in  the  very  nature  of 
the  case  marriage  means  a  projection  of  one  life 
into  another,  an  emptying  of  self  into  another 
self,  a  surrender  of  selfish  rights  and  liberties 
for  greater  rights  and  fuller  liberty.  The 
selfish  minds  can  form  no  concept  of  marriage. 
They  are  not  permitted  even  to  stand  on  the 
outer  edges  and  catch  a  glimpse  of  its  rare  joys 
and  its  rich  luxuries.  At  best  their  idea  of  the 
most  beautiful  relationship  on  earth  is  sordid, 
materialistic,  sensuous.  "  Give  and  it  shall  be 
given  unto  you  "  is  abundantly  true  in  this  mys- 
tic relationship.  The  more  people  give  each 
other,  the  more  their  married  life  will  mean  to 
them.  We  get  out  of  it  what  w£j>uiJntojt ;  no 
more,  no  less.  Young" people  are  often  heard 

wishing  for  such  a  husband  or  such  a  wife  as 
35 


86         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

some  friend  is  so  fortunate  as  to  possess,  who 
lavishes  a  great  love,  bestows  rare  gifts,  thinks 
in  terms  of  tender  acts,  and  is  ever  kind  and 
thoughtful  and  considerate,  but  it  seems  never 
to  occur  to  them  to  render  divine  gifts  out  of 
their  own  lives  and  to  arrive  at  conjugal  bliss 
by  enjoying  the  reflex  influence  of  such  godlike 
gifts.  The  typical  modern  girl  seems  to  be 
cursed  with  the  exaggerated  notion  that  some 
plumed  knight  owes  her  an  ideal  existence  in  a 
beautiful  home,  while  she,  strangely  fortunate 
creature,  owes  no  man  such  happiness.  And  the 
typical  modern  young  man  busies  himself  too 
much  asking  what  will  be  given  him  by  the 
woman  he  marries,  instead  of  ransacking  his 
heart  and  soul  to  see  if  there  are  any  gifts  beau- 
tiful enough  for  the  woman  who  consents  to 
place  her  life  in  his  keeping. 

When  selfish  people  marry,  they  take  care  of 
themselves  in  a  measure  by  looking  after  the  in- 
terests of  number  one,  but  the  pity  of  it  is  that 
a  selfish  animal  so  often  marries  a  beautiful- 
souled,  unselfish,  divinely  fashioned  opposite, 
and  there  is  the  inevitable  discord  and  the  re- 
sult of  sickness  of  heart.  Our  joy  is  never  so 
full  as  when  we  give  in  love  to  beloved  objects, 
therefore,  the  sane,  practical,  and  sensible  thing 
as  well  as  the  poetic,  idyllic,  and  idealistic,  is 
for  married  people  to  project  themselves  heart 
and  soul  into  each  other's  lives,  giving  all  and 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         37 

demanding  nothing,  receiving  in  turn  a  large 
measure  of  happiness.  The  very  nature  of  love 
is  to  show  forth  a  rare  quality  of  unselfishness, 
and  in  a  sense  there  is  no  such  thing  as  love 
where  there  is  unselfishness. 

"  Love  took  up  the  harp  of  life  and  smote  on 

all  the  chords  with  might; 
Smote  the  chord  of  self,  which,  trembling, 

passed  in  music  out  of  sight." 

Love  is  not  happy  unless  it  is  permitted  con- 
stantly to  lavish  itself  upon  the  object  loved. 
Therefore,  if  even  a  semblance  of  love  is  to  exist 
selfishness  must  be  dethroned  and  self  must  ab- 
dicate, for  it  is  only  as  we  abandon  self  and 
launch  out  into  the  deep  of  our  larger  self  that 
we  can  attain  unto  wedded  joy  that  is  full  and 
success  that  is  not  measured. 

5.  Next  to  unselfishness  is  tangible  expression 
and  demonstration  of  abstract  affection.  Un- 
der this  head  would  be  included  affectionateness, 
tenderness,  consideration,  gentleness,  thought- 
fulness.  It  is  not  enough  to  know  that  the 
person  that  we  sit  opposite  to  at  the  table  three 
times  a  day  loves  us  with  a  quenchless,  abiding 
love ;  it  is  not  enough  to  have  heard  a  generous 
expression  of  such  love  once,  twice  or  ten  times ; 
we  want  to  hear  the  old,  old  story  over  and  over 
and  over.  We  listen  eagerly  for  the  ever  new  I 
love  you,  and  look  intently  for  the  tender  glow  in 


38         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

the  eye  of  love.  Men  especially  should  speak 
frequent  words  and  show  manifold  signs  of  af- 
fection to  their  wives,  for  several  good  reasons : 
1.  Women  are  creatures  of  love.  They  are  de- 
pendent upon  love.  With  man  love  is  a  thing 
apart ;  it  is  woman's  whole  existence.  She  was 
designed  for  love  and  home.  She  may  attain 
unto  loftiest  heights  of  fame  and  worldly  suc- 
cess, and  she  may  win  the  merited  applause  of 
an  admiring  and  appreciative  world,  because 
she  has  taken  her  seat  in  the  gallery  of  the 
world's  illustrious  sons  and  daughters,  but  she 
is  never  satisfied  in  heart  and  soul,  and  her 
largest  success  is  not  realized,  until  a  great  love 
stirs  her  soul  and  a  worthy  object  in  turn  fills 
and  thrills  her  life  with  affectionate  expressions 
and  tender  acts  of  an  equally  great  love.  This 
being  true,  if  a  man  really  desires  to  render  the 
woman  he  loves  happy,  he  must  needs  speak  to 
her  often,  very  often,  in  words  of  tender,  sincere 
affection,  and  by  his  conduct  translate  such 
words  into  terms  of  practical  expression. 

2.  Men  are  prone  to  neglect  this  function. 
For  this  reason  they  should  zealously  guard 
against  it.  Many  women  are  unhappy  in  heart 
and  in  soul  because  of  the  proneness  of  men  to 
neglect  to  express  their  love.  If  men  really 
knew  this,  the  chances  are  that  there  would  be 
fewer  hungry  hearts.  But  men  misplace  em- 
phasis. They  stress  big  things,  practical 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         39 

things,  what  they  call  sensible  things,  and  not 
the  little  nameless,  unremembered  acts  of  kind- 
ness and  of  love  that  really  count  for  more  in 
the  happiness  of  women  than  all  that  money,  all 
that  fame,  can  ever  bestow.  Many  men  imagine 
they  have  been  expressive  and  demonstrative 
quite  enough  if  they  give  their  wives  the  neces- 
saries and  some  of  the  luxuries  of  life.  They 
fail  to  realize  that  it  is  not  what  they  have  or 
can  do  or  can  give  them  that  women  desire, 
but  rather  themselves,  their  hearts  and  souls, 
their  frequent  expressions  of  love  and  practical, 
tender  demonstration  of  the  same.  (Let  it  be 
remembered  that  the  women  spoken  of  in  this 
connection  are  real,  genuine,  great  women,  and 
not  grasping,  greedy,  sordid  creatures,  who 
think  they  have  gained  a  notable  victory  when 
they  squeeze  and  coax  a  handsome  dress  or  a 
swell  hat  out  of  their  reluctant  husbands. 
They  have  their  reward  when  they  get  their 
dress  and  hat.  May  the  Lord  have  mercy  upon 
their  souls!) 

3.  By  use  and  exercise  talents  are  developed. 
Love  is  a  talent,  a  God-given  talent.  The  prac- 
tice of  love  is  a  noble  profession.  Love  can 
be  educated,  developed,  perfected,  even  as  other 
talents,  and  it  is  worth  developing  and  perfect- 
ing. What  the  current  is  to  the  electric  light, 
the  unseen  force  to  the  elevator,  love  is  to  the 
operation  and  movements  of  the  home  —  then 


40         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

why  not  perfect  love,  why  not  use  a  God-given 
talent  in  order  to  enjoy  a  larger  and  richer 
talent,  in  order  to  render  the  person  of  all  others 
the  dearest  on  earth  supremely  happy  and  in 
order  to  be  rendered  resultantly  happy? 

Love  between  man  and  wife  should  con- 
tinually translate  itself  into  beautiful  thoughts 
of  consideration,  beautiful  acts  of  tenderness, 
and  beautiful  forms  of  gentleness.  There  is 
no  necessity  for  humiliating  quarrels  and  harsh 
language  between  people  who  love  enough  and 
who  are  properly  mated.  Such  things  do  not 
happen  on  the  heights.  The  skies  up  there  are 
clear.  And  it  is  possible  to  live  on  the  heights 
of  love,  above  bickerings  and  strife  and  dis- 
cordant clashes.  After  all,  the  serene,  beautiful 
fellowship  of  two  souls  is  to  be  coveted  above 
the  price  of  material  considerations,  and  if  we 
give  ourselves  pause  to  consider,  we  shall  all 
conclude  that  most  of  the  ignominious  quarrels 
and  ignoble  clashes  in  marriage  directly  or  in- 
directly grow  out  of  some  pusillanimous,  irrele- 
vant, materialistic  consideration  that  should  not 
be  allowed  to  disturb  the  half  wakeful  slumber 
of  a  watchful  chanticleer.  How  many  hungry 
hearts  are  pining  for  a  touch  of  tenderness,  a 
stroke  of  gentleness,  an  act  of  thoughtful  love- 
inspired  consideration,  from  men  who  were  all 
smiles,  all  tenderness,  all  gentleness,  and  all 
thoughtful  consideration  in  the  days  that  were 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         41 

halcyon  —  before  the  marriage  ceremony!  If 
every  husband  who  has  been  rough,  complain- 
ing, harsh,  thoughtless,  and  inconsiderate,  would 
for  one  month  be  affectionate,  kind,  tender, 
thoughtful,  and  considerate,  the  desert  in  mul- 
titudes of  homes  would  blossom  as  the  rose,  the 
bloom  of  immortal  youth  would  return  to  faded 
cheeks,  and  a  song  of  infinite  happiness  would 
sing  itself  in  the  hearts  of  hungry  women,  un- 
matched for  melody  in  the  harmonies  of  the 
world. 


VII 

A  HAPPY  MARRIAGE:  STILL 
MORE  ESSENTIALS 

Sympathy  and  understanding  are  powerful 
aids  to  ideal  wedded  life.  By  this  is  meant  not 
only  sympathy  and  understanding  in  the  com- 
monly accepted  sense,  but  in  a  deeper,  more  far 
reaching  sense.  Sympathy  is  a  divine  thing  and 
understanding  is  an  essential  thing.  Sym- 
pathy finds  expression  in  rejoicing  with  them 
that  do  rejoice  and  weeping  with  them  that 
weep.  In  the  more  intimate  relationship  be- 
tween husband  and  wife  it  consists  in  entering 
fully,  freely,  and  heartily  into  each  other's  joys, 
sorrows,  aspirations,  purposes,  cares,  fancies, 
work,  play,  and  everything  that  directly  or  in- 
directly touches  the  thought  or  life  of  either. 
All  of  us  need  sympathy.  Some  cannot  live 
without  it.  It  tides  us  over  many  inevitably 
rough  places,  lightens  our  sorrows,  increases  our 
joys,  and  restores  our  souls.  We  do  not  ask 
for  sympathy ;  it  must  come  unsought  in  order 
to  be  efficacious.  Too  much  that  passes  under 
that  sweet  name  is  mere  lip-exercise  and  cant 
and  hollow  mockery.  Sympathy  has  one  source 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         43 

—  the  heart.  If  one  has  no  heart,  one  cannot 
sympathize  with  another,  in  joy  or  in  sorrow, 
for  it  requires  more  heart  power  to  rejoice  with 
the  rejoicing  than  to  weep  with  those  who  weep. 
Indeed,  it  is  a  test  of  real  goodness.  Even  from 
those  outside  the  charmed  circle  of  home  we 
crave  sympathy,  but  it  comes  to  us  charged 
with  much  greater  force  and  comfort  when  those 
we  love  most  tear  a  leaf  out  of  their  hearts 
and  pass  it  on  to  us.  And  sweetest  of  all  sym- 
pathy is  that  which  comes  from  the  one  woman 
or  the  one  man.  If  married  people  fail  to 
render  each  to  the  other  due  sympathy  in  every 
thought  and  act  of  life,  then  the  relationship 
cannot  be  complete  in  its  fulness  and  rare  in  its 
richness.  It  adds  zest  and  relish  to  life  to  en- 
joy the  approbation  of  those  nearest  to  us. 
Even  in  such  an  apparently  small  thing  as 
clothes,  a  woman  is  rendered  happier  or  less 
happy  as  her  husband  approves  or  disapproves 
of  her  taste  and  selections.  And  naturally  so. 
We  love  to  please  those  we  love.  Then  those  we 
love  most  we  love  to  please  most.  Therefore, 
what  the  best  loved  thinks  of  what  we  wear,  do, 
say,  and  dream,  affects  us  vitally.  More  sym- 
pathy is  needed  in  the  home.  Many  an  un- 
leavened lump  would  be  leavened  by  its  gracious 
influence  and  oftentimes  cosmos  would  reign 
where  only  chaos  exists. 

We  have  said  that  understanding  is  an  essen- 


44         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

tial.  It  is  closely  allied  to  sympathy,  and  in  a 
sense  there  can  be  no  understanding  unless  there 
is  sympathetic  understanding.  When  a  kindred 
spirit  discovers  its  soulmate  and  soul  calls  unto 
soul  and  there  is  an  answering  of  souls  through 
the  agency  of  a  beautiful  understanding,  then 
the  mystic  bond  of  fellowship  welds  them  fast, 
and  understanding  becomes  a  very  strong  link  in 
the  golden  chain  of  love,  an  indispensable  link. 
The  majority  of  warped,  twisted  relationships 
grow  out  of  misunderstandings.  At  first  there  is 
a  slight  lack  of  sympathetic  understanding,  which 
creates  a  small  gulf  and  builds  a  little  barrier. 
Then  another  misunderstanding  arises,  and  the 
gulf  is  widened,  the  barrier  is  enlarged  —  and 
then  another,  and  another,  until  the  gulf  is  im- 
passably wide  and  the  barrier  is  insurmountably 
high,  and  two  hearts  that  beat  as  one  are  sev- 
ered and  two  souls  that  held  high  fellowship  on 
the  clear  heights  of  love  are  torn  asunder. 
But  the  daily,  hourly  presence  of  a  gracious 
sympathetic  understanding  would  have  averted 
such  a  catastrophe.  Ignorance  is  vicious  and 
criminal ;  understanding  is  knowledge ;  knowl- 
edge is  essential  to  largest  success  in  any  realm 
of  life.  A  lack  of  understanding,  then,  is  a 
paucity  of  knowledge,  which  is  always  attended 
with  danger. 

Renunciation,  sacrifice,  abandonment. 

One  of  the  most  profound  and  farseeing  state- 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         45 

ments  ever  spoken  or  written  is  found  in  those 
seemingly  paradoxical  words  of  Christ :  "  He 
that  loseth  his  life  shall  find  it."  In  a  spiritual 
sense  this  means  that  the  way  of  progress  is 
through  abandonment,  the  way  of  life  through 
the  portal  of  death,  the  way  of  victory  through 
defeat.  That  is,  the  cords  that  bind  us  to  the 
old,  the  natural,  the  carnal  life  must  be  snapped 
and  the  tendrils  that  bind  us  to  the  new,  the 
spiritual,  the  Christ  life  will  be  proportionately 
tightened.  This  is  a  very  potent  and  at  the 
same  time  a  most  beautiful  truth,  one  that 
causes  some  to  stumble  and  leads  others  into  a 
larger,  richer,  and  fuller  life.  In  somewhat  the 
same  sense  this  law,  this  great  truth,  holds  good 
in  the  conjugal  relationship,  for  marriage  is 
indeed  a  renunciation,  a  sacrifice,  an  abandon- 
ment of  many  things,  and  this  is  not  merely  the 
case  once  for  all  at  the  ceremony,  but  it  is  con- 
tinuous. In  addition  to  leaving  home  and  par- 
ents, surroundings,  girlhood  pleasures,  and 
renouncing  all  to  follow  her  husband  whither- 
soever he  leads  her,  a  woman  is  called  upon  con- 
tinually to  submerge  her  life  in  the  life  of  her 
husband,  to  share  his  adversity  as  well  as  his 
good  fortune.  And  the  man  is  called  upon  to 
support  and  protect  and  care  for  his  wife,  whom 
he  has  promised  to  love,  cherish  and  cling  to, 
even  though  such  action  interrupts  his  best 
laid  plans,  breaks  his  most  cherished  dreams, 


46         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

and  smashes  his  finest  air  castles  of  material 
conquest  (I  say  material,  for  no  great  love  and 
marriage  ever  interfered  with  any  spiritual  con- 
quest, even  tho  it  may  sometimes  interfere  with 
material  conquests  or  intellectual  acquire- 
ments). But  these  are  the  big  sacrifices,  the 
lamp  light  renunciations,  the  grand  stand 
strokes  in  abandonment.  And  they  really  look 
larger,  but  in  reality,  as  in  all  life,  the  greatest 
things  are  the  unseen  things,  and  so  here  men 
and  women  are  called  upon  to  sacrifice  most 
where  the  world  sees  least  and  to  give  up  most 
in  the  every  day,  prosaic  life  of  the  home.  A 
man,  for  instance,  is  fond  of  the  society  of  his 
fellowmen.  He  also  has  a  passion  for  secret 
orders  of  one  kind  and  another.  He  experi- 
ences great  delight  in  going  out  at  nights  for 
a  harmless  round  with  the  men  or  for  a  visit  to 
a  much-loved  lodge  or  club  or  order.  It  is 
perfectly  all  right  for  him  to  go  per  se,  but  hold 
a  moment :  has  he  a  wife  ?  Are  there  little  chil- 
dren, or  big  ones?  What  has  his  wife  been  do- 
ing all  day?  It  may  be  that  she  is  more  tired 
and  weary  than  he.  He  has  been  out  in  the 
great,  busy,  whirling  world ;  she  confined  closely 
in  the  home  with  a  thousand  grinding  cares  and 
nerve  racking  duties.  Shall  he  go  out  and  leave 
her  to  battle  with  the  children  and  continue 
to  eke  out  one  shut  in,  lonely  day  after  another? 
Shall  he  go  off  and  enjoy  himself,  while  the 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         47 

woman  he  solemnly  promised  to  love  and  cher- 
ish and  render  happy  is  at  home  weary  in  body 
and  broken  in  spirit  and  sick  at  heart?  To  be 
sure  it  might  cost  him  something  to  stay  away 
from  the  society  of  his  fellowmen  and  from  the 
various  orders  he  has  joined  and  help  his  wife 
with  his  children  as  well  as  hers,  but  does  it  not 
cost  her  infinitely  more?  Who  is  he  that  he 
should  feed  on  the  fat  of  the  land  and  be  car- 
ried to  the  skies  on  flowery  beds  of  ease,  while 
his  poor,  tired,  weary,  hungry-hearted,  broken- 
spirited  wife  spends  her  life  energies  raising 
children  and  keeping  house  and  mending  clothes 
and  entertaining  company  and  doing  a  thousand 
other  things  for  her  high  and  mighty  lord  and 
master,  for  whom  he  seems  to  think  such  a  life  is 
a  very  great  honor  and  even  a  high  privilege? 
Men  of  this  stripe  have  no  more  business  with 
wives  than  a  guinea  pig  has  with  a  silk  cravat. 
A  woman  may  be  literary,  or  she  may  be  pos- 
sessed of  a  positive  dislike  for  the  daily  round  of 
home  duties,  or  perchance  she  may  be  filled  with 
a  consuming  passion  for  the  society  of  other 
women  and  for  women's  clubs,  etc.,  etc.  She 
finds  children  a  bore  and  her  husband  a  nuisance, 
when  she  is  called  upon  to  make  any  sacrifices 
for  him  or  for  his  comfort  and  pleasure.  She 
would  so  much  rather  read  a  book  or  go  to  a 
club  or  go  out  —  somewhere,  anywhere.  Such 
a  woman  may  listen  enraptured  to  eloquent  ser- 


48         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

mons  on  service  or  beautiful  discourses  on  self- 
sacrifice  or  moving  appeals  for  missionary  en- 
deavor, and  very  likely  she  will  think  she  is  mak- 
ing great  sacrifices  and  rendering  beautiful  serv- 
ice when  she  straightway  offers  to  join  herself 
to  various  church  committees  and  bestir  herself 
mightily  in  behalf  of  others'  orphan  children 
and  heathen  husbands,  to  the  neglect  of  her  own 
unsaved  husband  —  unsaved  because  her  perni- 
cious over  activity  in  church  work  at  the  ex- 
pense of  home  duties  has  rendered  him  bitter 
against  the  Church  and  religion  in  general. 
But  as  a  matter  of  fact,  her  sacrifices  should  be 
directed  towards  her  husband  and  children  and 
she  should  find  her  largest  life  by  first  losing 
her  life  for  her  home.  These  two  examples  of 
many  others  that  might  be  given  suggest  the 
necessity  of  renunciation  as  a  condition  of  home 
happiness. 

Religion.  By  placing  religion  last,  I  do  not 
mean  to  imply  that  its  influence  is  least  in  bind- 
ing together  in  harmonious  fashion  man  and 
wife.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  it  is  neither  first  nor 
yet  last;  it  is  everything  and  comprehends  all 
else  that  has  been  said.  This  does  not  mean 
that  there  can  be  no  happiness  in  homes  where 
there  is  no  religion,  for  such  a  statement  would 
be  absurd,  but  it  means  that  there  can  be  noth- 
ing but  happiness  where  there  is  genuine  religion, 
on  bothsjdesi  In  other  words,  some  homes  may 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         49 

enjoy  happiness  without  religion,  but  no  home 
can  experience  unhappiness  with  religion  —  and 
all  homes  are  rendered  happy  by  religion.  This 
may  seem  an  extravagant  statement  at  first  sight 
—  the  utterance  of  an  over-zealous  advocate 
rather  than  the  statement  of  a  calm  seeker  after 
truth.  Suppose  we  examine  for  a  moment  the 
real  nature  of  the  case,  using  the  proposition 
that  religion  comprehends  all  else  and  insures 
conjugal  harmony  and  happiness.  When  two 
people  are  possessed  of  a  vital,  living,  trans- 
forming type  of  religion  or  Christianity,  and  the 
kingdom  of  heaven  is  so  overwhelmingly  estab- 
lished in  their  hearts  that  they  are  in  fashion 
like  their  Lord,  loving  the  things  He  loves  and 
hating  the  things  He  hates  and  emulating  in 
every  possible  way  His  matchless  example,  they 
have  attained  unto  that  blessed  state  of  mind, 
heart,  and  conduct  where  love  is  the  watch  word 
of  their  life ;  a  beautiful  bond  of  congeniality  is 
established  because  of  the  gracious  community 
of  interests ;  perfect  faith,  trust,  and  confidence 
characterize  their  dealings  one  with  the  other; 
unselfishness  flourishes  as  the  green  bay  tree; 
tenderness  and  affection  and  gentleness  find  a 
ready  and  receptive  soil;  sympathetic  under- 
standing abides  uninterrupted ;  and  no  sacrifice, 
no  renunciation,  will  be  lacking,  for  these  are 
the  very  languages  that  are  spoken  by  religion, 
the  steps  it  takes  in  its  journey  to  the  celestial 


50         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

city.  Therefore,  furnishing,  as  it  does,  the 
very  essence  of  the  ingredients  and  conditions 
necessary  to  marital  success  and  happiness,  re- 
ligion lays  claim  to  being  the  one,  never  failing 
solution  of  the  all  important  question.  It  is 
hard  to  convince  most  people  of  this  fact,  and 
especially  some  religious  folk,  and  that  for  the 
reason  that  they  have  less  religion  than  many 
who  make  no  professions  or  pretentions.  But 
it  is  religiosity  and  piosity  rather  than  religion. 
Outward  show  of  religion  without  the  inner  real- 
ity and  experience  will  do  more  to  cause  a  dis- 
turbance of  any  sort  on  earth  than  a  total  lack 
of  it.  And  there  is  always  a  weak  link  in  the 
chain,  a  skeleton  in  the  closet,  of  those  who  have 
failed  with  religion  as  an  aid.  It  was  not  the 
real  thing,  or  there  was  not  a  complete  surren- 
der, or  there  were  conflicting  desires,  or  the 
claims  of  the  world  and  the  flesh  and  the  wiles 
of  the  devil  were  too  strong  —  something  was 
wrong.  God  is  not  limited  except  as  He  limits 
Himself.  Some  good  people  think  if  they  have 
a  well  seasoned  case  of  religion,  it  suffices,  re- 
gardless of  the  faith  and  conduct  of  their  hus- 
bands or  wives,  but  this  is  false  doctrine,  for  a 
clash  is  more  likely  than  ever  and  a  diversity  of 
spirits  tends  to  create  friction.  Our  claim  is 


that  both  must  be  unfeigned  Christians  —  then 
the~~problem  is  solved.  And  I  challenge  the  ci- 
tation of  a  single  failure.  It  does  not  even  take 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         51 

the  exception  to  prove  the  rule  in  this  case. 
Nothing  so  sanctifies  the  homes  of  any  land  as 
ttie""religion  oj_jyie-JLdaj^-J^&us---Christ.  The 
young  preacher  who  allows  himself  to  marry  an 
irreligious  woman  presents  himself  as  one  who 
sleeps.  The  young  woman  who  submerges  her 
life  completely  into  the  life  of  an  avowedly  ir- 
religious man  assumes  a  grave  responsibility. 
Thojarents  who  nnHprt.fl.lce  to  make  a  home  and 
rear  afamily  without  the^jdLM_ 


are  sublimely  Jgno  rant  of  .the  jrelativ_e  values  of 
life.  The  home  problem  is  the  greatest  of  all 
the  problems  that  vex  the  mind  of  man  —  and 
this  great  problem  will  be  solved  only  as  men 
and  women  accord  to  the  Master  the  hospitality 
of  their  Tipmes. 


,   VIII 
FATHERHOOD 

Parenthood  is  a  rare  and  sacred  privilege,  a 
gift  from  God  to  be  used  as  faithful  stewards, 
rendering  back  to  Him  the  gracious  gift  with  an 
hundred  fold  increase.  Nothing  so  stirs  the 
latent,  dormant  possibilities  in  men  and  women 
as  this  greatest  of  trusts.  How  often  do  we  see 
a  young,  reckless,  wayward,  irresponsible  man 
suddenly  sobered  and  transformed  in  thought, 
words,  and  conduct  by  the  advent  of  a  little 
child  in  the  home !  And  how  suddenly,  how  mi- 
raculously, does  the  gay,  giddy,  thoughtless, 
pleasure-loving  girl  pass  over  into  the  glorious 
realm  of  womanhood  by  the  sacred  way  of 
motherhood !  The  new  responsibility,  the  here- 
tofore unrealized  joys,  the  world-old  appeal 
change  the  form  and  the  complexion  of  things 
and  henceforth  life's  relative  values  and  mani- 
fold messages  are  interpreted  in  terms  of  child- 
hood. That  marvelous  law  of  possession  is 
brought  to  play  in  its  most  subtle  and  powerful 
form.  When  a  man  says  to  another,  "  This  is 
my  dog,  my  horse,  my  house,"  the  law  of  posses- 
sion is  at  work  in  no  uncertain  fashion,  but  when 
52 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         53 

he  says,  "  this  is  my  child,"  the  elemental  prin- 
ciples of  the  mystic  operations  of  the  law  of 
possession  are  at  high  tide.  It  means  something 
to  be  a  parent.  God  is  a  parent,  our  Father. 
Man  exercises  an  office  of  (rod  when  fog  frf^mpg 
a  parent.  And  the  responsibility  is  in  direct 
proportion  to  the  honor,  the  privilege,  the 
pleasure.  Thprp  is  710 


so  great  as  that  of  a  parent.,  A  king's  power  is 
awful,  and  his  responsibility  in  proportion;  the 
president  of  our  country  labors  under  grave  re- 
sponsibility ;  the  law  makers  of  the  land  are 
charged  with  a  heavy  trust  ;  a  jury  deliberating 
over  a  murder  case  with  the  shadow  of  the  gal- 
lows in  sight  carries  a  fearful  load  of  responsi- 
bility ;  and  a  general  leading  thousands  of  men 
into  the  jaws  of  death  is  confronted  by  duties 
and  responsibilities  that  are  indeed  grave:  but 
greater  than  any  or  all  of  these  is  the  responsi- 
bility attached  to  the  moulding  and  shaping  of 
a  little  child.  The  potter  has  no  greater  power 
over  the  soft  clay  than  the  parent  over  this  un- 
developed lump  of  possibilities  for  good  or  for 
evil.  Who  is  equal  to  the  task?  The  load  of 
responsibility  is  enough  to  crush  any  parent  who 
thinks  seriously  over  life's  problems,  were  it  not 
for  a  merciful  God  who  partially  draws  a  cur- 
tain over  the  responsibilities  and  grants  grace 
enough  to  meet  each  new  problem  —  when  par- 
ents trust  Him. 


54         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

We  shall  consider  first  the  father  in  the  home, 
because  he  is  head  of  the  Vfnme.  or^  should  be. 
This  does  not  mean  that  he  is  head  in  an  ob- 
noxious sense  nor  yet  does  it  mean  that  his  is  the 
privilege  of  domineering  over  his  wife  and  chil-* 
dren.  On  the  contrary  a  domineering  father* 
is  a  monstrosity,  an  inharmonious  combination 
of  repellent  elements,  having  no  higher  concep- 
tion of  parenthood  than  a  beast  of  the  field,  a 
bird  of  the  air,  or  a  fish  of  the  sea.  But  the 
father  is  head  of  the  home  in  a  very  real  sense, 
and  in  love  and  gentleness,  and  also  in  firmness, 
it  is  not  only  his  privilege  but  his  duty  to  exer- 
cise this  office.  The  father  who  is  not  head  of 
his  home  is  as  pitiable  as  the  domineering  father 
is  despicable,  and  his  weakness  becomes  vicious- 
ness  —  so  far  as  results  are  concerned.  The 
woman  who  is  not  willing  and  anxious  for  the 
man  to  be  head  of  the  home  is  strangely  lacking 
in  one  of  the  most  essential  elements/-  \  In  fact, 
she  has  missed  her  calling ;  she  should  have  been 
a  man.  God  meant  every  father  to  be  a  priest, 
By  this  is  meant  his  religious  function  in  the 
family.  He  is  divinely  expected  to  minister  to 
his  family  in  spiritual  as  well  as  in  temporal 
things  and  to  dispense  the  bread  of  life  as  well  as 
provide  nourishment  for  the  body.  It  there- 
fore becomes  his  duty  to  erect  a  family  altar  in 
his  home,  to  dedicate  himself  and  his  family  to 
the  service  of  God,  to  intercede  with  God  for  his 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         55 

,  ?amily,  to  carry  the  burden  of  each  child  on  his 
leart  to  the  throne  of  grace,  to  be  a  pastor  to 
lis  children,  and  to  exercise  himself  to  the  ut- 
most  in   right  living,   right   acting,   and   right 
working,  to  the  intent  that  they  may  be  brought 
up  in  the  nurture  and  admonition  of  the  Lord, 
;horoughly  furnished  unto  all  good  works  and 
•ight  living.     Of  course,  this  refers  to  the  Chris- 
ian  fathers.     The  man  of  the  world,  the  non- 
confessor  of  Christ,  would  also  find  help  in  the 
solution    of   home   problems    along   such   lines. 
I  3ut  even  if  all  Christian  men  would  perform  the 
(religious  duties  that  they  so  unmistakably  owe  to 
jtheir  family,  the  kingdom  of  heaven  on  earth 
would  move  with  wonderfully  increased  rapidity. 
In  these  modern  days  of  din  and  noise,  glare 
and  glitter,  tumult  and  shouting,  rushing  and 
bustling,  the   family  altar  has  been   ruthlessly 
relegated  to   a  back   seat.     Some  men  are  too 
busy  making  money  to  thank  the  most  High  for 
His    bounties ;    some    too    indifferent    to    their 
priestly  functions ;  some,  too  luke  warm  in  their 
religious   zeal,   some  too   timid  and  bashful  to 
hold  family  prayer  before  their  families ;  and 
some  too  stifled  by  the  subtle,  insinuating,  ser- 
pent like  influences  of  the  world ;  and  then  the 
devil  is  especially  active  right  at  this  point  be- 
cause he  has  more  sense  than  the  above  indicated 
Christians,  realizing  that  this  is  a  most  power- 
ful way  to  promote  the  kingdom  of  God  on  earth 


56         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

and  to  develop  stalwart,  virile  manhood  and 
lofty  womanhood,  and  realizing  further  that  the 
elimination  of  millions  of  priests  in  millions  of 
homes  is  far  more  destructive  work  than  the 
weeding  out  of  thousands  of  preachers  in  the 
pulpits.  Furthermore,  the  character  of  the 
ministry  is  shaped  and  colored  largely  by  the 
character  of  the  individual  homes,  for  does  not 
the  ministry  enjoy  its  earliest,  and  therefore, 
most  important,  training  in  the  homes?  And 
what  influences  are  powerful  enough  to  eradicate 
the  training  and  impressions  of  early  youth  ? 

The  kingdom  of  God  on  earth  would  encircle 
the  globe  and  leaven  the  nations  and  transfigure 
human  nature  in  one  half  the  time  if  it  could 
begin  a  grand  forward  march  on  its  knees  in  a 
million  Christian  homes  around  a  million  family 
altars.  And  this  is  only  what  is  due  to  God,  to 
each  family,  and  to  the  world  by  all  professing 
Christians.  "  Will  a  man  rob  God?  "  Yes,  he 
will.  Will  a  Christian  rob  God?  Yes.  Will 
a  man  rob  his  family,  his  children?  Yes.  Will 
a  Christian  man  rob  his  children,  bone  of  his 
bone  and  flesh  of  his  flesh?  Yes,  he  will.  All 
honest  men  are  not  honest  then?  No,  many 
honest  men,  many  Christian  gentlemen  are  dis- 
honest, dishonest  before  God  and  before  their 
families.  No  man  is  completely  and  entirely 
honest  until  he  pays  all  of  his  debts  and  all  of 
his  vows  to  God  as  well  as  to  man.  More  fa- 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         57 

thers  fall  down  at  this  point  than  at  any  other 
in  their  relation  to  their  children.  World  con- 
ventions to  promote  missionary  activity  are  very 
necessary  and  highly  in  order ;  great  conferences 
to  inspire  laymen  to  higher  and  grander  reaches 
are  admirable;  and  magnificent  gatherings  in 
the  name  of  Jesus  for  the  spread  of  His  gospel 
are  inspiring :  but  these  mighty  works  will  never 
enjoy  their  richest  results  until  the  individual 
homes  that  lie  back  of  them  are  homes  of  prayer 
and  Christian  culture. 

The  average  father  fails  to  realize  the  vast- 
ness  of  his  influence  in  his  home.  He  does  not 
comprehend  fully  the  power  of  a  good  and  great 
life  silently  and  quietly  lived  among  his  children 
—  not  only  on  Sunday  in  sanctimonious  fashion, 
but  day  after  day  and  night  after  night,  week 
after  week  and  month  after  month  and  year 
after  year.  One  of  the  saddest  things  I  know 
is  the  disillusionment  of  children  in  the  all-good- 
ness and  all-greatness  of  their  fathers.  Why, 
bless  your  life,  man,  don't  you  know  that  your 
little  boy  thinks  you  are  just  the  best  man  in 
the  whole  world?  And  don't  you  know  that 
your  little  girl,  when  she  circles  your  neck  with 
her  tender,  white  little  arms,  believes  that  there 
is  no  other  man  quite  so  good  and  quite  so  won- 
derful as  her  father  ?  The  trust  of  a  little  child 
in  his  father  is  one  of  the  most  beautiful*  one 
of  the  inosFTouching,  one  of  the  most  inspiring 


58         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

sights_jH^j&arth.  I  read  of  a  little  boy  who 
missed  his  father  from  the  house,  and  knowing 
that  he  often  went  out  to  the  barn,  the  little  fel- 
low started  out  in  the  snow  to  find  his  father. 
The  snow  was  deep  and  he  did  not  see  his  father, 
but  was  perfectly  content  to  follow  in  the  steps 
of  his  father  through  the  snow.  It  is  recorded 
that  the  father,  looking  back  and  seeing  his  lit- 
tle boy  following  in  his  steps  in  such  trustful 
fashion,  was  overwhelmed  with  the  seriousness  of 
his  responsibility,  the  power  of  his  example,  and 
the  imperfection  of  his  life,  and  resolved  from 
that  day  to  live  such  a  life  and  be  such  a  man 
that  he  would  be  willing  for  his  son  to  be  like 
him  and  follow  in  his  steps.  Are  you  willing 
for  your  children  to  be  the  man,  to  live  the  life, 
that  you  are  living?  This  thought  should  give 
us  pause,  for  it  is  food  for  thought. 

Too  many  fathers  refuse  to  do  their  part  in 
the  training  of  their  children.  They  leave  that 
to  their  wives.  They  are  occupied  with  more 
important,  larger  duties  and  responsibilities. 
But  what  is  it?  Is  any  thing  more  important 
than  the  shaping  and  the  molding  of  a  pliable, 
potential,  flexible  human  soul  into  the  stature 
of  a  strong  man  or  a  great  woman?  This  glar- 
ing omission  resolves  itself  into  a  question  of 
laziness,  indifference,  a  sense  of  unworthiness,  or 
triflingness  in  general.  Do  not  the  children  be- 
long to  you  as  well  as  to  your  wife?  Why  should 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         59 

she  bear  the  burden  and  carry  the  load  alone? 
She  needs  a  strong  arm  to  help  her  lift  it.  She 
needs  co-operation  and  sympathy  and  moral 
backing.  Some  fathers  go  so  far  as  to  hinder 
their  wives  in  their  efforts  to  train  aright  their 
children  by  taking  the  side  of  the  child  against 
the  mother  when  she  would  justly  and  wisely 
administer  discipline.  He  resolves  himself  into 
tin  undesirable  citizen,  because  good  citizenship 
begins  in  the  home. 

The  ideal  father  is  a  priest  in  his  home.  He 
holds  family  prayer.  He  dedicates  his  children 
to  God  at  an  early  age.  He  is  careful  of  his 
Christian  life.  He  thinks  seriously  of  his  silent 
example.  He  co-operates  with  his  wife  in  the 
actual  training  of  his  children.  He  works  hard, 
and  if  necessary,  wears  patched  clothes,  in  order 
that  his  children  may  enjoy  a  college  education. 
He  is  the  friend  of  his  boys,  the  friend  of  his 
girls.  He  is  no  tyrant.  He  is  a  four-square 
man  unashamed  for  his  boys  to  be  like  him  when 
they  become  men.  May  God  give  us  grace  and 
wisdom  to  be  the  fathers  He  would  have  us  be! 

\ 


IX 
MOTHERHOOD 

A  man's  idea  of  the  word  MOTHER  is  colored 
by  his  relationship  to  his  own  mother.  The 
word  loses  its  peculiar  sacredness  if  one  is  so 
unfortunate  as  to  have  an  undesirable  mother. 
A  great  mother  is  the  finest  legacy,  the  test  for- 
tune possible,  to  the  children  of  men.  A  delinA 
quent  father  does  not  necessarily  mean  delin-1 
quent  children.  Not  so  with  the  mother.  In  a 
peculiar  way  she  molds  the  character  and  shapes 
the  destiny  of  her  children.  She  suffers  with 
them  and  for  them.  She  cares  for  them  and 
bears  with  them.  She  lives  with  them  and  too 
often  dies  with  them.  Hers  is  the  watchful  eye ; 
hers  the  sympathetic  touch.  Hers  is  the  load 
of  care;  hers  the  midnight  vigils.  Out  of  her 
heart  are  poured  her  richest  treasures  of  high- 
est and  holiest  womanhood.  Her  children  love 
.  her  because  she  first  loved  them.  She  knows  no 
music  so  sweet  as  baby  feet  making  melody  in 
her  heart.  She  knows  no  voice  so  beautiful  as 
the  broken  words  of  her  little  children.  In  the 
life  of  her  children  she  finds  her  largest  life; 

the  success  of  her  children  is  the  fruition  of  her 
60 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         61 

finest  dreams.  For  them  she  will  delve  and  for 
them  she  will  toil ;  for  them  she  will  live  and  for 
them  she  will  die.  She  is  the  finest  concrete 
illustration  of  the  heart  life  to  be  found  on 
earth.  No  other  love  is  like  unto  the  love  of 
a  great  mother;  no  other  influence  so  great. 
How  soft  were  her  hands  when  she  stroked  away 
the  pain  from  our  wasted  bodies  —  so  often 
more  efficacious  than  the  costliest  drugs !  How 
sweet  was  her  voice  when  with  baby  lullabies  at 
the  close  of  the  day  she  sang  us  to  sleep !  How 
beautiful  were  her  feet  when  at  midnight  we 
heard  her  softly  approach  our  sick  bed  to  watch 
with  us  until  the  long,  long  night  was  gone  — 
so  long  and  so  dark!  How  ample  was  her 
breast  when  tired  and  sleepy  after  the  long 
day's  play,  we  curled  up  and  were  rocked  into 
slumberland !  She  is  growing  old  now.  There 
are  wrinkles  on  her  brow  and  her  step  is  not  so 
light.  Her  hair  is  gray  and  her  form  is  bent  — 
and  sometimes  her  hands  tremble  and  even  her 
voice  is  different.  In  the  service  of  her  children 
she  has  worn  herself  out.  As  she  stands  upon 
the  western  porch  of  life,  the  halo  of  the  living 
God  is  gathered  about  her  form.  No  soldier  on 
field  of  battle,  no  statesman  in  halls  of  State, 
no  mariner  on  chartless  seas  can  claim  a  richer 
meed  of  praise,  a  larger  share  of  honor.  She  is 
greater  than  the  greatest  sculptor,  because  out 
of  a  bundle  of  possibilities  she  carves  an  angel 


62         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

form.  She  is  greater  than  the  greatest  painter, 
because  on  the  canvas  of  the  souls  of  her  children 
she  paints  pictures  which  shall  live  forever  and 
forever.  She  is  greater  than  the  greatest  poet, 
because  in  the  hearts  of  her  children  she  writes 
poetry  and  sings  songs  which  help  to  swell  the 
anthems  of  the  angel  choir  of  God.  She  loses 
her  life  in  high  and  holy  fashion  for  her  chil- 
dren and  finds  a  rarer,  richer  life  because  she 
gives  her  all. 

This  is  the  true  mother,  the  real  mother,  the 
great  mother.  Were  all  mothers  like  her,  the 
millennium  would  be  upon  us,  for,  verily,  the 
mothers  of  the  world  would  leaven  the  world. 
But  unfortunately  there  are  a  great  many  so 
called  mothers  who  are  not  really  worthy  the 
sacred  name.  They  fail  to  measure  up  to  the 
vast  responsibility.  They  do  not  catch  a  vision 
of  their  function  and  high  mission.  They  see 
the  routine,  the  drudgery,  the  sacrifices,  the  un- 
pleasantness ;  they  refuse  to  fasten  their  eyes 
upon  the  glory,  the  privilege,  the  beauty  of 
motherhood.  They  are  not  willing  to  pay  the 
price,  to  live  the  life,  to  do  the  deeds.  There 
are  too  many  restrictions,  too  many  exacting 
duties,  too  much  swallowing  of  self.  The  easy- 
going, pleasure-loving,  worldly-minded  woman 
finds  herself  in  the  wrong  pew  with  several  chil- 
dren to  love  and  train  and  empty  self  for. 
True  she  has  a  certain  animal  instinct  which 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         63 

might  be  called  love  by  the  thoughtless,  but  in 
reality  her  capacity  for  the  love  and  joys  and 
service  and  sacrifice  of  motherhood  is  as  the  ca- 
pacity of  a  pint  measure  for  a  gallon  of  water. 
She  lives  and  moves  and  has  her  being  outside 
of  the  sacred  and  wonderful  realm  of  mother- 
hood. 

Some  mothers  care  more  for  automobiles,  and 
fine  clothes,  and  clubs,  and  little  dogs,  and  high 
society  than  they  care  for  the  bodies  and  minds 
and  hearts  and  souls  of  their  children.  They 
are  the  sordid  of  soul.  They  cannot  determine 
the  relative  values  of  life.  They  are  attracted 
by  things  external,  show,  paraphernalia.  They 
are  vulgar  women,  not  in  the  ordinary  sense  of 
the  word,  but  really  in  a  worse  sense.  To  them 
a  bank  note  has  a  definite  soul  value.  To  them 
a  joy  ride  is  sweeter  than  the  lisp  of  a  little 
child.  To  them  a  little  dog  and  a  little  child 
are  two  little  things.  They  profane  the  name 
of  mother.  They  rob  life  of  much  of  its  fra- 
grance and  zest  and  relish.  They  compromise 
the  high  things  qf  the  spirit  for  the  low  things 
of  the  flesh,  and  a  little  child  shall  not  lead  them. 
These  women  should  have  refrained  steadfastly 
from  matrimony.  But  the  pity  of  it  is,  that 
good  men  so  often  are  attracted  by  this  kind  of 
woman  and  leave  the  really  great  women  to 
marry  any  old  thing  or  wisely  to  remain  un- 
claimed blessings. 


64         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

Some  mothers  are  so  busy  with  Church  and 
public  duties  and  so  solicitous  about  the  tem- 
poral and  eternal  well  being  of  others,  that  they 
are  strangely  forgetful  and  negligent  of  the 
welfare  of  their  own  children.  This  type  of 
woman  is  restless  and  meddlesome.  She 
wouldn't  admit  it,  but  she  is.  She  would  be 
offended,  because  she  thinks  she  is  doing  the 
Lord's  work.  She  cannot  rest  until  she  is  a 
member  of  every  important  Church  committee 
and  she  would  experience  deep  humiliation  if 
she  failed  to  attend  a  single  funeral  or  occupied 
a  prominent  place  as  a  helper  and  sympathizer 
in  times  of  death.  Indeed,  she  has  an  obses- 
sion that  prefuneral  arrangements  could  not  be 
arranged  without  her,  and  that  no  neighbor 
could  bear  sorrow  or  endure  grief  unless  she  is 
on  hand.  This  is  not  a  stricture  on  the  Christ- 
like  ministrations  and  tender  sympathy  of 
beautiful  women  of  the  spirit  who,  like  their 
Lord,  go  about  doing  good.  They  are  the  elect 
of  God.  They  are  the  salt  of  earth.  They 
bear  upon  their  bodies  the  marks  of  their  Lord. 
Without  them  this  world  would  be  a  dreary 
place.  But  it  is  a  criticism  of  those  mothers 
who  have  an  itch  for  publicity,  who  neglect  their 
children  in  order  to  gather  gossip  and  retail 
the  same,  who  are  never  so  happy  as  when  away 
from  home  attending  to  other  people's  business 
when  their  own  is  sadly  in  need  of  attention, 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         65 

who  lavish  themselves  and  their  treasure  upon 
heathen  across  the  water  while  their  husbands 
and  children  are  developing  skepticism  at  home 
because  of  their  poiseless,  balanceless,  and  sense- 
less activities.  It  sometimes  requires  more  of 
the  grace  of  God  to  stay  at  home  and  live  a 
Christlike  life  and  rear  Christian  families  than 
to  leave  the  cares  and  duties  of  home  and  mix 
with  congenial  action.  The  gadaboutist  is  a 
sorry  excuse  for  a  mother.  There  is  a  time  for 
all  things. 

The  ideal  mother  need  not  be  a  college  gradu- 
ate, a  leader  in  literary  clubs,  a  brilliant  con- 
versationalist, a  social  star,  or  a  big  worker  in 
the  Church.  These  things  are  well  and  good 
and  are  not  to  be  despised.  If  a  woman  can  be 
a  great  mother  and  make  an  ideal  home  and  in 
addition  be  and  do  these  things,  she  presents 
herself  as  a  more  versatile  woman  than  her 
neighbor  —  who  can  only  be  a  great  mother 
and  wife.  But  in  this  age,  when  there  are  so 
many  perverted  conceptions  of  the  functions 
and  the  rights  of  women,  it  is  in  order  to  em- 
phasize the  fact  that  the 


the^ac£jof__woman,  that  her  chiefjimr»f.inns 
Home   functions,   that   her 


The 

feminist  inovement  is  one  phase  of  our  modern 
unrest,  which  unrest  is  growing  at  an  alarming 


66         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

rate.  This  unrest  is  felt  in  the  theological,  the 
social,  the  political,  and  the  industrial  realms 
as  well  as  in  the  realm  of  so-called  woman's 
rights.  Revolution  and  evolution  are  in  the 
atmosphere.  The  old  order  of  things  is  being 
violently  assailed.  Modern  thought  has  perme- 
ated the  body  politic.  In  our  rush  to  cast  off 
old  garments  we  are  in  danger  of  finding  our- 
selves improperly  and  sparingly  clothed.  Poise- 
less  radicalism  is  in  a  way  more  undesirable  than 
hopeless  conservatism.  The  extreme  reaction- 
ary and  the  extreme  radical  are  alike  undesira- 
ble citizens. 

The  feminist  movement  in  England  relegates 
to  a  back  seat  the  highest  and  holiest  associa- 
tions of  womanhood  and  motherhood.  If  women 
are  overwhelmingly  convinced  that  the  ballot  is 
necessary  to  protect  their  rights  and  guarantee 
happiness  and  exalt  the  home,  it  might  not  be 
a  bad  idea  to  accord  to  them  the  high  privilege 
of  voting  —  if  for  no  other  reason  than  to  prove 
to  them  in  peaceful  fashion  the  futility  of  their 
dreams  and  the  unwisdom  of  their  position.  In 
a  comparatively  short  time  they  will  automati- 
cally adjust  themselves  to  their  normal  life  and 
functions  and  regard  their  much  coveted  privi- 
lege as  a  nuisance,  a  bore,  and  a  burden.  Most 
women  want  to  vote  because  they  can't.  It  re- 
solves itself  largely  into  a  question  of  Eve  and 
the  apple.  Ennui  will  follow  acquisition. 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 


67 


God  in  His  wisdom  gave  to  woman  greater 
rights  than  He  accorded  to  man  —  and  in  a 
sense  higher  gifts.  She  is  a  more  delicate  spir- 
itual instrument.  She  is  more  susceptible  to 
divine  impressions.  She  is  naturally  more  reli- 
gious. She  is  capable  of  greater  love.  She  can 
bear  pain  and  suffering  with  more  grace.  Her 
ideals  are  higher,  her  life  purer,  her  compassion 
vaster.  In  deeds  of  mercy,  in  acts  of  love,  in 
expressions  of  sympathy  she  outranks  us.  She 
is  more  beautiful  and  more  winsome,  more  ten- 
der and  more  gentle,  more  long  suffering  and 
more  kind.  These  gifts  beget  rights  and  insure 
privileges.  They  invest  her  with  peculiar 
charm.  They  render  her  well  nigh  sacred  in 
our  eyes.  About  her  is  thrown  the  protection 
of  the  stronger  sex.  She  is  idealized,  apotheo- 
sized. In  her  normal  relationship  she  rules  as 
queen,  but  when  she  tries  to  operate  in  realms 
beyond  the  confines  of  her  own  vast  realm  she 
compromises  her  dignity,  loses  much  of  her 
charm,  and  forfeits  her  tender  grace  and  win- 
some attractiveness.  Woman's  rights  may  be 
defined  as  the  God  given  privilege  of  marrying 
the  choice  of  herJhg 

reigning  as  queen  with 
her  husband  jind  children  in  her  home,  pouring 
iinlimitedlv  the  treasures^qf  hfr  life  info-thf*  lifr 
ren,  and  being  free  at  any  time_to_ 
mingle  hei^life_and— talents  with   the  life  and 


68         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

talents  of  thejoutside  world,  provided  such  ac- 
tion be  compatible  with  home  duties  and  privi-^ 
leges^ 

~~~TE  strikes  me  that  these  are  holy  and  high 
rights,  sacred  privileges,  enough  responsibility, 
food  for  happiness.  The  rights  of  a  mother 
are  as  measureless  as  is  the  stupendousness  of 
her  responsibility.  Who  can  fathom  her  joy 
when  her  little  child  nestles  close  to  her?  Who 
can  know  the  height  and  the  depth  and  the 
length  and  the  breadth  of  love  as  she  is  given 
to  know  it?  Who  can  hold  such  close  fellow- 
ship with  God  as  she  holds,  when,  with  a  moth- 
er's heart  and  a  mother's  trust,  she  dedicates 
her  child  to  God  and  begs  for  wisdom  and  good- 
ness to  meet  the  awful  responsibility?  She  has 
rights  enough  and  to  spare. 

The  ideal  mother  is  above  all  a  woman,  a 
womanly  woman.  She  is  a  follower  of  Christ, 
an  open  confessor  of  Him,  a  woman  of  deep 
and  sincere  religious  experience,  knowing  her 
Lord  as  Friend,  walking  and  talking  with  Him, 
living  from  day  to  day  in  His  presence  and  un- 
\der  the  shadow  of  His  wing.  (For  how  can  she 
'be  an  ideal  mother,  if  she  is  not  a 


woman?)  The  ideal  mother  places  a  higher 
premium  upon  the  welfare  of  her  children  than 
upon  all  that  the  world  can  give  in  the  way  of 
pleasures,  power,  notoriety,  fame,  or  any  other 
creature.  The  ideal  mother  has  a  great  big 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         69 

conception  of  motherhood.  She  magnifies  her 
office.  She  enlarges  her  calling.  She  appre- 
ciates her  responsibility.  She  is  ready  for  the 
sacrifice,  the  suffering,  the  abandonment.  Her 
life  belongs  to  her  children.  It  is  not  hers. 
She  finds  her  life  by  losing  it.  She  shall  lose 
it  if  she  try  to  save  it.  She  knows  that  this 
great  law  is  peculiarly  applicable  to  her.  The 
ideal  mother  is  not  lazy,  not  selfish,  not  jealous 
natured,  not  supersensitive,  not  over  careful  of 
her  "  rights,"  not  a  pessimist,  for  these  short- 
comings are  certain  and  logical  inheritances  and 
acquisitions  of  her  children.  She  must  live 
beautifully,  serve  graciously,  love  wondrously, 
suffer  cheerfully,  sacrifice  willingly,  and  sympa- 
thize readily  —  and  demand  respect,  obedience, 
consideration,  service  and  love  from  her  chil- 
dren. Some  mothers  claim  so  much  love  for 
their  children  that  they  find  themselves  unable 
to  exact  obedience,  to  administer  discipline,  to 
punish,  or  to  deprive  their  children  of  any  pleas- 
ure, whether  wholesome  or  harmful.  They 
think  this  is  exalted  love,  but  in  reality  it  is  a 
lesser  love.  They  do  not  love  them  enough  to 
withhold  the  harmful  or  to  demand  the  help- 
ful thing.  The  ideal  mother  does  not  love  her 
children  after  this  fashion.  She  loves  them 
enough  to  administer  discipline  if  need  be. 

For  fear  that  I  shall  be  misunderstood  in  re- 
gard to  what  I  have  said  on  woman's  rights,  let 


70         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

me  add  this:  I  glory  in  the  pluck  and  will 
power  of  the  great  company  of  worthy  women 
who,  for  one  or  many  reasons,  have  not  married, 
but  who  have  refused  to  live  lives  of  idleness  or 
to  be  a  burden  on  loved  ones  or  society  and  have 
launched  boldly  out  into  the  great  big  critical 
world  of  action,  living  lives  of  usefulness,  ren- 
dering a  high  order  of  service,  doing  their  part 
of  the  world's  work,  and  meanwhile  keeping 
themselves  unspotted  from  the  world.  And  I 
am  thinking  that  the  men  of  the  world  should 
accord  to  such  brave  women  a  peculiar  degree 
of  business  hospitality  and  extend  to  them  the 
right  hand  of  fellowship. 


"  AND  A  LITTLE  CHILD  SHALL  LEAD 
THEM  " 

There  are  some  wonderfully  tender  and  far- 
reaching  sentiments  in  the  Bible.  The  Bible 
tells  us  that  God  is  going  to  wipe  away  all  tears 
from  our  eyes  and  there  will  be  no  night  there. 
The  Bible  tells  us  that  at  eventime  there  will  be 
light,  and  God  even  marks  a  little  sparrow  when 
it  falls  to  the  ground.  The  Bible  tells  us  that 
God  will  tenderly  wrap  His  arms  around  us  and 
we  may  hide  ourselves  in  the  secret  of  His  pres- 
ence. The  Bible  tells  us  that  Christ,  even 
Christ,  will  come  as  Guest  into  the  homes  of  our 
hearts  and  live  with  us,  if  we  let  Him  —  and  it 
tells  us  that  a  little  child  shall  lead  them. 

A  little  child  shall  lead  them.  How?  Where? 
How  can  a  little  child  lead  when  it  can't  even 
walk?  Where  can  a  little  child  lead  when  it 
knows  not  where  to  go  itself?  And  yet  a  little 
child  shall  lead,  for  the  Book  says  so.  How? 
By  its  guilelessness,  and  purity,  and  trust. 
Where?  Into  guilelessness,  and  purity,  and 
trust. 

The  most  guileless  thing  in  the  world,  because 
71 


72         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

the  most  innocent,  a  little  child  in  guileless 
fashion  leads  us  into  a  more  winsome  guileless- 
ness.  They  know  no  deceit,  they  have  no 
schemes,  they  are  free  from  the  duplex  life. 
The  world  is  full  of  guile.  Its  motives  are  com- 
plex. Deceit  is  a  common  commodity.  How 
refreshing,  how  inspiring,  amid  it  all,  to  watch 
a  little  child  in  whom  there  is  no  guile  live  its 
little  life  from  day  to  day  with  the  shine  of 
God's  face  on  it  and  the  beauty  of  God's  life  in 
it!  In  such  contemplation  we  are  led  from 
guile  into  guilelessness  by  the  beckoning  hand 
and  the  gesturing  heart  and  the  winsome  eye  of 
a  little  child.  Oh,  that  our  Father  may  give  to 
us  at  the  hands  of  the  little  children  of  the 
world  more  of  their  guilelessness ! 

The  purity  of  a  little  child  is  proverbial. 
No  impure  thoughts  flit  through  their  little 
minds.  No  bad  night  dreams  of  daylight  ex- 
periences disturb  their  little  sleep,  so  sound  and 
so  sweet.  No  impure  and  unholy  desires  rack 
their  little  frames  and  end  in  unrest  of  soul. 
They  are  as  pure  as  the  dew  of  the  night  which 
hides  itself  in  the  bosom  of  a  white  rose.  They 
are  as  pure  as  the  lily  of  the  field  the  spotless- 
ness  of  whose  raiment  attracted  the  notice  of 
the  Master  of  the  world.  To  live  with  this  in- 
carnated purity  day  after  day,  to  breathe  its 
fragrance,  and  to  contemplate  its  beauty  ren- 
ders us  more  pure  and  more  spotless.  And  how 


THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME         73 

we  do  feel  the  need  of  some  lily-white  purifying 
influence  ever  and  anon  as  we  pass  through  the 
mud  and  scum  of  life  with  garments  which  God 
gave  us  to  keep  unspotted  from  the  world! 
Men  are  naturally  so  impure  of  thought,  im- 
pure of  speech,  impure  of  life.  The  double 
standard  has  played  havoc  with  us.  We  men 
—  God  help  us  —  are  not  worthy  to  touch  the 
seamless  robe  of  our  glorified  Lord,  and  some 
of  us  are  not  even  worthy  to  hold  in  our  soiled 
hands  the  radiantly  white  form  of  a  little  child. 
But  a  little  child  shall  lead  us  into  the  purer  life. 
May  our  Father  help  us  to  bow  our  heads  by  the 
cradles  of  the  world  and  catch  a  splendid  in- 
spiration to  live  lives  of  stainless  purity! 

The  trust  of  a  little  child  is  the  sweetest  of 
sights.  They  do  not  doubt  anything.  With 
wide-eyed  wonder  they  believe  all  we  tell  them. 
The  world  to  them  is  so  various,  so  beautiful,  so 
new,  so  wonderful.  Life  is  radiant  and  rich  and 
a  beautiful  poem.  Little  children  are  flowers 
that  bloom  in  the  spring.  They  are  little  flow- 
ers that  open  their  eyes  and  ears  and  mouths 
all  day,  drinking  in  in  trustful  fashion  all  of 
the  good  things  sent  by  God  —  and  at  twilight 
they  close  their  eyes  and  follow  God  into  the 
land  of  sleep.  They  are  not  naturally  afraid 
of  the  dark  or  ghosts  or  any  other  evil  creature. 
It  is  only  when  some  ugly  natured  or  thought- 
less person  brings  into  their  little  lives  these  evil 


74         THE  MAKING  OF  A  HOME 

guests  that  they  are  afraid.  The  trust  of  a 
little  child !  To  them  Jesus  is  so  real,  so  near, 
so  natural.  To  them  God  is  so  good,  so  good. 
To  them  mother  and  father  with  all  of  their  sins 
are  without  fault,  without  blemish.  Small  won- 
der that  Christ  said  it  were  better  that  a  mill 
stone  be  hanged  about  our  neck  and  we  be  cast 
into  the  deep  sea  than  to  offend  one  of  these 
little  ones !  How  much  we  need  the  trust  of  lit- 
tle children !  We  are  so  wise  in  the  accumu- 
lated wisdom  of  the  world  that  we  cannot  trust 
our  Father  as  little  children.  We  are  so  burnt 
out  and  calloused  by  contact  with  the  world  and 
with  our  evil  natures  that  life  has  lost  most  of 
its  early  charm  and  freshness  and  poetry.  We 
grope  feebly  in  mist  and  in  fog  and  in  black 
night  for  proofs,  proofs,  proofs.  But  a  little 
child  just  walks  up  to  Jesus,  reaches  up  its  lit- 
tie  hand,  takes  hold  of  His  large  hand,  and  walks 
along  with  Jesus,  knowing  that  He  will  lead 
gently  over  the  rough  places  and  encouragingly 
through  the  dark  night.  May  our  Father 
grant  us,  who  have  not  faith  even  as  large  as  a 
mustard  seed,  a  richer  and  simpler  and  fuller 
trust  in  Him,  through  the  leading  of  the  little 
children  of  the  world! 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


l!6lKo§ 

IN  QTA 

///A/  0  i 

uu"^T96f 

:C'D  LD 

JUL    6  1SSI 

LD  21A-50rn-12,'60 
(B6'221slO)476B 

General  Library 
University  of  California 
Berkeley 

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